What is it about the past that makes it so comforting? Even the things that were difficult and hopeless, seem to turn into these nostalgic moments and suddenly, you forget how badly they sucked. It’s like getting punched in the gut and later, when you look back, you miss the sensation.
What the hell?
It sounds crazy, I know, but it happens. You may not even realize that it’s happened to you until you make yourself remember, really remember that memory or that person or time. Then, it’s like ohhhh yeahhh, that was awful.
I don’t know if it’s my impending birthday or just my lack of a love life in the past year – and interest in one for that matter – but I keep reminiscing over the past. It’s almost like an ache for something that I once knew, something that once knew me I guess.
It’s also really annoying when I have to physically stop myself from repairing bridges I burned on purpose. Um, yeah, there was a reason things changed and it was a damn good reason too.
Plus, I have all this anxiety and I’m not sure why exactly. Okay, so I’m going to be 28, it’s not the end of the world and I don’t feel like I’m freaking out over it. At least not more than I usually freak out. I mean I’m also stressing with school since I graduate in December, finally, with a B.A. in English Literature. I know, I should have a Ph.D with all the years I’ve spent in college but hey, life happens.
At least I’m going on a cruise in a few days, right?
It’s my first cruise ever, and it’s for seven days with stops in the Caribbean. I wouldn’t be stressing this trip at all, except the last time I was on a boat a few weeks ago I had my first experience with sea sickness and wanted to die. It was one of the worst four hours of my life, when I say I seriously considered swimming back to shore, I mean I SERIOUSLY considered it. So now, I’m excited for the adventure, but terrified of sea sickness. I can’t wait to explore the ship, but get nauseous when I think about sleeping in a tiny room in the middle of the ocean.
Did I mention we’re going to zip-line? Right. See, I also have a minor fear of jumping off a cliff. There’s just something about jumping-over sharp rocks and through an uninhabited forest that makes me a little uneasy. Excited, but still, mainly uneasy.