Lima’s Law

A page dedicated to my rules to live by,  lesson’s learned, anecdotes and the occasional ramblings of a stranger.

A days work…

S: What’s the matter with you? You’re normally such a tough cookie.

L: I think I’m tired of being a tough cookie.

S: Yeah I hear ya. We all have our times when we don’t want to be the tough cookie, we just want to be the milk.

“Sometimes you just have to trick people into wanting what’s good for them. Now that’s good marketing.”- Me

When talking about Marc Anthony:

P: I just don’t get what people see in him, he’s like this big. (gestures to tiny size)

S: Well I don’t know about that.

L: He might be skinny, but that’s not what I’ve heard…

“One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, is to stop loving someone because they stopped loving you.”

A night of networking…

L: Why do we have two spoons?

S: For dessert.

L: But why two? Ohh I know! For coffee!

S: What? Do you want a brownie now?

L: Hey! I wasn’t raised like this, I was raised by wolves. You should be happy that I can use a fork and knife.

A days work…

S: “Oh no, this thing is gonna be boring as hell…”

L: “Oh my god, no. Don’t say that.”

S: “…but at least there’s food.”

L: “So you think just because there’s food I’ll go?”

S: “Of course.”

L: “Well yeah, that’s true.”

S: “Let’s be real here”

Wise words from Mr. S:

         “If you keep on living in the past, you’re gonna miss the future.”

“Forget regret, or life is your to miss.”

Note to self: If your male co-worker is complaining about being hot and sweaty when it’s not hot at all, he may be suffering from manopause.

A days work…

         S: “Where are all the cute people?”

         L: “Not here. Everyone here is either married, old or gay.”

         S: “Yeah, or married, old and gay.”

“I can slap a bitch if need be!”- James

Rule #43: Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Intern to Editor: “It’s cause I forget everything, so I’m really good at remembering stuff.”

Rule #3: Forgive everyone for everything.

Rule #67: You don’t have to win every argument. Sometimes true victory lies in the loss.

Rule #44: Don’t take yourself so seriously. Believe me, no one else does.

Rule #26: Don’t forget that you still have me. I’ll always be your friend, friendship doesn’t go away just cause we fuck up.

“I’m not a gold digger, I just appreciate things.”

A days work…

          L: “I kind of like this gum, it taste like Pepto Bismol”

          S: “Ewww. That’s gross.”

          L: “What? I have a tummy ache and it helps.”

Note to self: Learn when to shut the fuck up.

“Life is too short, to wear boring clothes.”

Rule #6: Always respect yourself. If you don’t, he won’t either.

“There’s a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.” ॐ

Rule #23: Choose your lies carefully. People always find out. Just because they don’t confront you, doesn’t mean they don’t know.

Rule #37: There are two types of employees, the ones that work and the ones that don’t.

“It’s simple. If you don’t like the way I live my life, don’t come around.”

Rule #32: Enjoy the little things.

“I can’t rely on men. Doesn’t mean I don’t love them. Doesn’t mean I walk out. Just means I adjust my expectations. Men are weak.”

“I’m a Lover, not a Fighter…unless you like it rough.”

Rule #70: Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

“So why are you alone wasting your time when you could be with me wasting your time?”

“I spend half my time thinking about how much I love you, and I spend the other half wishing I’d never met you”

Rule #57: When someone asks to take my picture and asks for my name, I’m not going to say no.

Note to self: Don’t get knocked up. Thanks.

Rule #22: Time is the most valuable thing in the world, never forget that.

Rule #29: When sad, heartbroken or angry-Facebook is NOT your friend. I repeat, do NOT post a status update on facebook when experiencing any of the above mentioned emotions.

Life Insurance according to my Dad:

“I have a warranty on all of you, in case you break. I knew you guys were clumsy so I got it.”

A days work…

S: “When is she coming back?”

L: “She’s on FMLA and there’s no limit to that…”

S: “F%$k my life absence?”

L: “Exactly.”

Rule #53: When you’re so excited you could kick a dog, don’t. Just slap a b!%@#.

“Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.”

Rule #31: Always take the road that scares you the most, because fear is one hell of a motivator.

“Live to work, not work to live.”

“It is said there is no sin in killing a beast, only in killing a man. But where does one begin and the other end?”

Rule #7: Enjoy the moment, because it only comes once.

Rule #96: Do not, under any circumstances, drink NyQuil before going to be beach. Ever.

Rule #33: Don’t waste your time with people that suck the life out of you, because life is just too short.


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