Tag Archives: society

I accidentally taught my little brother the word slut

I have a complex relationship with the word, because I hate that it’s used to demean women and I like that there’s an entire movement about reclaiming the word, but sometimes it just slips out as a negative thing. Like this time. We were looking at Halloween costumes, and I remembered the topic in class about how the female comic book characters are always dressed in these frilly little dresses and tutus, when though the actual comic book versions of them DO NOT look like that. So as I was flipping through the Party City catalog, I commented kind of to myself, how annoying it is that the only available girl version of the ninja turtles if a “slutty dress.” Anthony asked me what that meant, and I just said that they put the girl in a short little dress that extra tight and really does nothing to stay true to the actual character. Like the girl costume for Donatello, the only ninja turtle available in girl costume because he wears a purple mask. Really? That’s the determining factor? So anyways, I gave him the explanation and then thought damn, I maybe should not have said that.  That word is just much more complicated than that, but he’s only 11 and it was bad enough I added it to his vocabulary.

Sure enough, when my mom came home that night he gave her a speech about how ridiculous men are and that he refused to buy a costume at Party City because they think women can only be slutty super heroes and not real ones. He went on to say that he didn’t understand what their problem was but that they just needed to get over it because girls can be super heroes too. Since then, I’ve heard him give the speech to his dad, our other brother and God knows who else in school. I’m expecting a call from his teacher any day now on the topic.

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A curious thought

How is it that everything in your life can change, almost completely, yet feelings don’t? And I mean real feelings, not fleeting sensations of anger or desire, but deep sentiments. The kind of sentiments you feel in the very core of your soul.

We seem to have this innate ability to forget wrong-doings, or the exchange of harsh words, but only when the feelings run deep. The deeper they run, the more we seem to overlook.

On the other end, when your feelings towards someone are less than loving, we can cut them out of our lives at the slightest infraction. Those people we can’t see to forgive, no matter how minor the injury.

It makes me wonder, if the things we find offensive and the words we hold against others ever truly offend us, or are we just acting offended because society expects us to?

Personally, I’ve been in situations where I was lied to and when I found out, I have to say that I forgave him the second I found out. But, I still punished him for the lie. I held it against him because I was supposed to, I mean, what kind of person doesn’t get mad when they find out they were lied to? What kind of person understands the liar’s situation and just, well, forgives them? An idiot, I thought.

Now that I’m older, and a little wiser I’d like to think, I realize that it was all an act and an unnecessary one too. But still, I know there are other actions I take that sometimes come as second nature, but I know they’re taught reactions because while they might be instant, they always feel a little off. Almost like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes, or playing a part in a play.

I mean, right?

Maybe I’m not making any sense, but it’s just a thought…a curious thought.

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The Real Lesson Here

A few times in my life, I have experienced the feeling of “destiny” when meeting someone new. The feeling is like a pull, almost like gravity, that suddenly makes you feel heavy on the earth. Like you suddenly belong exactly where you are standing at that very moment and no one, and nothing, can move you. It lasts just a few seconds, or even minutes, but then it’s gone and all you’re left with is this feeling like something important just happened. It’s like an understanding that this person should be in your life…

I’ve experienced that feeling twice, and both times I was far too focused on all the wrong things to truly understand what it meant.

The first time I was seventeen, and afraid of what people would say or think if I followed my gut and took the chance on a stranger. It was a complicated situation and I was way too young and inexperienced to really see what was going on at the time.

The second time, I was twenty-three and terrified of making another huge mistake. I was not in a place where I wanted to introduce new people, or complications, into my life and I had already learned how easily a few bad moves could wreak havoc on your entire life. Still, I almost took the chance with this one, but the fear of falling into another downward spiral was just too much. So instead, I went with the logical choice.

People always say that experiences make you wiser and as you get older, you learn to maneuver yourself in this big ole world.  But looking back, I think that what makes us wiser is not the experiences themselves, but the fact that we learn to trust ourselves above all else. We’re born with all the tools that we need to live the lives laid out for us, even with all the curve balls life throws our way. Our gut tells us which way to go and when to stop or move on, we just have to listen.

We get so caught up in societies’ interpretation of what’s right and what’s wrong that we forget the fact that we already know, we know because we can feel it. We come naturally equipped with the skills we need to live in the world, what we learn along the way are the skills we need to survive in the society that we created. We created a society full of double standards, harsh words and an abundance of greed where we should have an abundance of compassion.

In retrospect, I’ve faced this test twice and twice I had failed. I failed because I missed the lesson the first time, and let fear take over the second time. But the lesson is not to take the risk, but to follow my heart, my gut and my own instincts.

Life-Lessons-inspiring-quotes

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What doesn’t kill us…

We’ve all heard the saying. What people don’t say is that what doesn’t kill you, can still leave you feeling dead and cold. Inside and out. Recent events have made me realize just how much evil there truly is in the world. And I know how silly that sounds, especially because as girls, we spend our whole lives being warned. They warn us about strangers, about boys that will break our hearts and eventually about bad men that can hurt us. But until you find yourself in that terrifying moment of truth, all those warnings are just a few more scary stories.

To say that I am deeply disturbed to see someone that I love in the situation that she’s in would be the understatement of the year.

This. Is. Killing. Me.

No matter how many times I reply the details of that night in my head, I still can’t believe that any of this is actually happening. I just can’t comprehend how things like this are still happening to women. With all the developments that we as a people have made, all the scientific milestones we’ve surpassed and social issues that we have resolved. Why is violence against women still tolerated? Why is it so difficult for a man to understand the word NO?

Our world is in desperate need of a rude awakening. Things need to change and a revolution has been a long time coming. Fighting for the right to vote was just a beginning, women should know that we are nowhere near done.

No means no regardless of the circumstances involved. A woman can spend the entire night flirting with you, dancing and even kissing. The moment she says NO, you’re done. That’s it. It’s over. You need walk the fuck away. It seems that somewhere along the way we blurred the lines of how that scenario should go and started justifying a wrong action by blaming the woman. Like one officer said, “it’s just a case of he said she said.” Or like the restaurant owner told me, “that’s what happens when you drink with people that get stupid.”

No, that’s what happens when people break the fucking law. No means no, ALWAYS. And still, statistics show that 78 people are raped every single hour of every single day.

Getting drunk does not constitute rape. Flirting does not constitute rape. Passing out is not a green light. If she’s too gone to speak, sex is not an option.

My body, my rules. Your body, your rules. That’s pretty clear, no questions about it.

Our government was created to protect us, our laws were written to serve as guidelines to ensure that protection.That was my understanding…have I been misinformed?

 

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