Tag Archives: Dating

April 22, 2015 · 8:44 PM

ser·en·dip·i·tous

It’s crazy how quickly people can come into your life. Without warning, or obstacles, someone can ease into your life in the strangest of ways. You could meet someone that you connect with at the grocery store, or pumping gas, or at a restaurant on a Friday night after work.

The way it happens sometimes…It makes me think of that Michael Buble song, “Haven’t Met You Yet.” It’s a weird thing to wrap your mind around if you really think about it. How people are going about their business and living their own lives, until one day, they meet you…and everything changes.

You really never know when it might happen or just how meaningful that person may actually become. I guess life’s just interesting in that way.

I never saw him coming. I had taken a long hiatus from the dating world to focus on my studies, and really, I’d only just started to date again when I met him. To be honest, I wasn’t too thrilled to even start dating. It’s a tough thing, and stressful, and so often leaves you disillusioned and disappointed.

I’ve never been the type to fall quickly, or easily for that matter, so opening up to a new heartbreak wasn’t exactly high on my to-do list. But now, just a few months into it, I surprise myself at every corner. It’s that I suddenly lack barriers or deeply embedded walls, but it’s the fact that for the first time, I wish I did. I want to let him in, to show him my scars and tell him all my stories. The good ones, the funny ones, the bad stories, and all about the things that I never thought I’d recover from.

It seems that somewhere within my short time in his presence, love stopped being this scary thing that ended in destruction and became a happy possibility.

Don’t get me wrong, the cynic in me is still very much alive and kicking, and points out how this could all end. But for once, a part of me wonders what if. A part of me hopes that the love and affection that so warmly gazes at me though his hazel eyes is real, and true. Hopes that the safety I feel within his tight embrace will always be around, and prays that the damaged parts of me won’t be too much for his gentle heart to bear.

It’s a different part of me, one that I didn’t know I had. Maybe it’s the way he looks at me, or maybe it’s something else. I guess life’s just interesting in that way.

Let’s try this again…

The last time I decided to try online dating I ended up dating a guy who tried to move in with me faster than fast, and a few other who creeped me out more than they enticed me. But, given that I’ve spent the last year or so focusing all my energy on finishing up my degree, and adding a minor to boot, I think maybe I should try again. Plus, the last time I met a guy I actually liked and gave him my number, I ended up ignoring all his calls for a week. He eventually stopped trying, and I was so utterly terrified that I could actually like him that I panicked.

Or better yet. A few months ago I was sitting at the cafeteria by my office, skimming through a magazine while I waited for my BLT, when this guy walks in. I looked up at him and I remember thinking how beautiful I thought he was, so I smiled at him and he smiled back. The lady brought my sandwich, and he leaned next to me on the counter and asked me how my day was going. I looked at him, grabbed my stuff, and just walked out. Not a word. It was like my body reacted before my mind could. Geez all he did was make small talk and I ran for my life, basically.

I think, and this is just a guess here, but I think I slightly more emotionally damaged than I thought I was. Or maybe I’ve been too domesticated, and I need to be reintroduced into the wild…

It’s like me? Meet actual people? No. I don’t do that kind of thing anymore. I work, study, and dabble in writing short stories and screenplays. But actually getting to know new people? Why would I want to do that?

Huh. That’s actually a good question. Why would I want to do that? Oh yeah, because I can’t be all about work, and I can’t keep spending all my free time with my siblings and Netflix. What kind of life would that be? Besides, I’m running out of things to write about and I need new inspiration, and stories. I need stories, but stories that I’ve lived – cause those are the best kind.

But, eer, online dating? Then there’s these possibilities…

At least I’m not the only one who struggles with new age dating. Here’s a great list, and hilarious too.

Sex With Friends.

I’ve always heard people say that being friends first is the key to any great relationship. But I’ve come to realize that sleeping with your existing friends may not be the best course to take.

Friendship can be such a tricky kind of relationship. Friends are more than just people you go out and have good times with. Your friends are people that you turn to when you’re in need of advice, when you make bad choices and need to clean it up, when you’re sad, when you’re upset and feel like bashing your ex and above all – these are people who you trust. They know your good AND your bad side. They’ve seen you through your ups, and remember your downs too. And those are just friends in general.

Now, friendships between men and women, those tend to pack a whole new suitcase full of complications. When I was younger, a good guy friend told me that a guy is only friends with a girl for one reason, and he’ll wait as long as he needs to get what he wants. I didn’t believe him, I mean we were friends at the time and nothing had ever happened between us or even come up in conversation. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when he did finally make a move a few months later, and a pretty bold one at that. Even then, I didn’t believe it. I kept thinking that people are friends because they enjoy each other’s company, regardless of their sex. It just had to be true.

For years, I maintained that belief. I incessantly argued for its validity, no matter what anyone else had to say or what their personal experiences were. I was right. I was right because I was younger, because I felt untainted by the world and because I considered their insights to be quite cynical to be honest.

You see, having grown up around boys, I had my fair share of male friends, and those friendships were strictly platonic. I had one friendship in particular that I always used as an example of two people that could be friends without any hint of sexual tension. That is, until my first longtime relationship ended, for good, and suddenly that friendship changed.

All of a sudden, in the midst of my heartbreak, my friend wanted to be more than just my friend. To say that this revelation threw me would be an understatement. But looking back, I feel pretty naïve to not have seen that coming, but I guess I was still pretty green at that point in my life…and pretty stubborn too.

So after a lot of time, and painfully drawn out conversations about the possibility of taking our friendship to the next level, we did. I thought who better to help me heal this broken heart than a close friend? Right?

Wrong.

The thing is, when you take an existing friendship that’s been in your life for over a decade, to that elusive “next level,” you taint it. You only have two places to go from there, you either get serious or you get awkward. And when you’re not sure of your feelings or if they exist or if it was just a part of your healing process, you complicate the situation and make it awkward enough for both of you.

Word of advice, if you’re going to take that step, think it through. Really think it through.

To date or not to date? That is the question.

Online, that is.

The world, it is a changing! At least that’s what I keep hearing. All I see are commercials and ads about how 1 in 5 relationships begin online. Real people on first dates and let’s not forget about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. People don’t meet as organically as they used to and frankly, dating your friends is not exactly wise.

I guess it doesn’t really help that I am undoubtedly awkward in relationships, surprisingly blunt and completely oblivious to the subtle clues and flirtations of the opposite sex. I mean seriously, how many times does a guy have to hint that he wants a neck rub before I stop telling him to go get himself an icy hot patch?

I caved. I obviously need to get better at dating and the only way to get better is to practice. So,I’ve decided to create profiles on a few online dating sites, just the free ones for now, the paid ones require a little more commitment that I can offer at the moment. Why am I telling you this? Well, I decided to document my experiences in online dating on my blog. How else will I know if I actually get better if I don’t share my stories?