Tag Archives: college

Let’s try this again…

The last time I decided to try online dating I ended up dating a guy who tried to move in with me faster than fast, and a few other who creeped me out more than they enticed me. But, given that I’ve spent the last year or so focusing all my energy on finishing up my degree, and adding a minor to boot, I think maybe I should try again. Plus, the last time I met a guy I actually liked and gave him my number, I ended up ignoring all his calls for a week. He eventually stopped trying, and I was so utterly terrified that I could actually like him that I panicked.

Or better yet. A few months ago I was sitting at the cafeteria by my office, skimming through a magazine while I waited for my BLT, when this guy walks in. I looked up at him and I remember thinking how beautiful I thought he was, so I smiled at him and he smiled back. The lady brought my sandwich, and he leaned next to me on the counter and asked me how my day was going. I looked at him, grabbed my stuff, and just walked out. Not a word. It was like my body reacted before my mind could. Geez all he did was make small talk and I ran for my life, basically.

I think, and this is just a guess here, but I think I slightly more emotionally damaged than I thought I was. Or maybe I’ve been too domesticated, and I need to be reintroduced into the wild…

It’s like me? Meet actual people? No. I don’t do that kind of thing anymore. I work, study, and dabble in writing short stories and screenplays. But actually getting to know new people? Why would I want to do that?

Huh. That’s actually a good question. Why would I want to do that? Oh yeah, because I can’t be all about work, and I can’t keep spending all my free time with my siblings and Netflix. What kind of life would that be? Besides, I’m running out of things to write about and I need new inspiration, and stories. I need stories, but stories that I’ve lived – cause those are the best kind.

But, eer, online dating? Then there’s these possibilities…

online-dating

onlinedatingmeme

 

At least I’m not the only one who struggles with new age dating. Here’s a great list, and hilarious too.

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Motivation, Where’d You Go?

I can remember a time, not so long ago, when the words would just flow. A time when I had so much to say that I worried I would never have the time to get it all out. Where did that time go? I can’t remember when it went away. I can’t remember when I started to stumble on my own words. Somewhere along the line, somewhere along the progression of this life, I stopped speaking from my heart and started worrying with my mind.

Now, my words are blurred and often hidden behind walls of fear and judgement. Hidden even from me, from my own eyes. It’s as if this technological evolution we’ve found ourselves in is just another doubled edged sword we can’t seem to see. You’re damned if you share, you’re damned if you don’t.

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Change Is Inevitable.

Someone close to me once told me that people never really think about how much their decisions can impact those around them. I was fine with giving this city a few more years. I had decided to get a few more things in order before making my way back into the world and, for the most part, I was okay with that decision.

I mean, I still missed home and felt that ghastly pang of guilt in my stomach every time I drove back to Naples, but it was my choice. I had chosen Naples for a while, and Miami was just not an option. At least not when I first moved back to Florida. I was still broken, I needed time. Time to heal, time to cope with my heartbreak and time to take in and adjust to all the changes that went down in the last few years.

That time turned into three years of me living in Naples. I stayed when my family moved back to Miami from LA a few months after I came back. I stayed when my Dad moved back to Miami and left my brother and me in Naples on our own. I even stayed when my brother and I stopped living together and I moved out on my own. Was it scary? Hell yeah.

But it was all a part of this whole new package that I had willingly gone along with. I had a great job at the local newspaper, working in events and marketing. I was back in school, changed my major a few times, only to wind up with what I had started with in the first place – Journalism. I even transferred to FGCU and took out a few student loans in the process.

All of these things were happening and it really felt like my life was on the right track, for once. Well, at least that’s how I justified my decision to stay, even when it felt like the wrong decision.

See, I worked in corporate America a while back but I was much younger and did not like the culture of it all. The bullshit, the back-stabbing nature of the game or the lack of loyalty in the people. Back then, I blamed it on my age, my lack of experience and maturity and I was convinced that with time, I would grow to love that kind of work environment. Now, the more I think about it, the more I think I may have had it all wrong.

While I loved working in marketing and events, and was surprised to actually be good at it too, I have to credit the bulk of that to the leadership I was under. I never had an interest in newspapers, I always felt like they glorified bad news and often swayed to the pull of that pretty penny. But I took the job anyways, not for the company, but to work under her. I knew I had a lot to learn from her the moment I met her, and about that, I could not have been more right.

So when my boss, my friend and above all, my mentor announced that she was leaving the company, it made me think about why I was really there. Still, I had school to think about and I loved the one-on-one attention I was getting at FGCU. But then, my favorite professor at FGCU gave his notice as well and announced that he was leaving the program. To say these two individuals shook my world would be an understatement.

Although my job was still something I highly enjoyed, I could foresee my education taking a backseat to my career once again and that was just not something I was willingly to do.  All of that, mixed in with how much I’ve missed my family and all the issues that go along with that made me sit and really evaluate the path my life was on. Besides, I think four years away from home is long enough.

Where I’ll end up, no one knows, but I can tell you one thing – it will be exactly where I’m meant to be.

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Blogging when I should be working…on H.W.

Procrastination has always been, well, something that I excelled at. It’s easy to put things off. Easy to talk yourself out of doing something you know you should be doing. But lately, my reasons for procrastination seem to run a little deeper.

In high school, I was a girl with a plan and when I graduated I had the next 10 years of my life mapped out perfectly. I graduated with high SAT scores and a 3.4 GPA, but still, willing ended up at community college. Well, it was technically a four-year institution by the time I started, but you get the point. My plan was to go away for school, leave my little bubble in Miami and all the sunshine in Florida. What I didn’t anticipate was how difficult it would be to leave my family, my newborn baby brother and my friends. See, life never follows our plans and the course it takes is often out of our hands.

So now, eight years after my high school graduation, I’m still working on my Bachelors degree. I’ve taken a few semesters off over the years, but never really got the hang of successfully juggling work, school and family. I was never willing to give one up, and time is the price I paid to do it all and do it all at once.

I started freelancing when I was 18 years old, worked as a real estate assistant, had a part-time internship at a Hispanic PR newswire and went to school full-time. Things became hectic back then and never really slowed down as the years went on. So I’ve been busy, to say the least. But now, I have this great job at a reputable newspaper where I manage events and marketing, plus I get to have the opportunity to write in Spanish for our online publication. Oh, and let’s not forget that I also attend Florida Gulf Coast University as I work on my Bachelors degree in Journalism.

What’s the issue?

Well, I feel old. I can’t help but feel like I missed the train a while back and am now scrambling to hustle my way to my destination. A lot of the students in my classes are fresh out of high school and just starting to figure out what they want. I was never that student. I ALWAYS knew exactly what I wanted and what I needed to do to get there. But I procrastinated. Not in the common sense, but I consciously pushed things aside to make room for obstacles in my life that never did fit. Ugh. Whoever said hindsight is always 20/20, failed to mention that it’s also aggravating as fuck.

Now I procrastinate with my homework assignments. They tend to be very detailed, for one class in particular, and I can’t help but stare my the questions in silence. I know I can do it and get a good grade, as my recent assignments have shown, but still I can’t make myself do it. What’s worse is that I shouldn’t have to make myself do any of it. I should just want to finish it. Want to take as much from the course as possible. But I don’t. I get by on my brains and a little bit of effort and that is exactly the kind of procrastination I need to stop.

Oh e cards, how you get me…

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