Category Archives: Blog Post

Motivation, Where’d You Go?

I can remember a time, not so long ago, when the words would just flow. A time when I had so much to say that I worried I would never have the time to get it all out. Where did that time go? I can’t remember when it went away. I can’t remember when I started to stumble on my own words. Somewhere along the line, somewhere along the progression of this life, I stopped speaking from my heart and started worrying with my mind.

Now, my words are blurred and often hidden behind walls of fear and judgement. Hidden even from me, from my own eyes. It’s as if this technological evolution we’ve found ourselves in is just another doubled edged sword we can’t seem to see. You’re damned if you share, you’re damned if you don’t.

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Rocking the Boat

In the chess game of life, when you think you’ve figured it out is actually when you have nothing figured out. Nothing at all. Sometimes, it feels like you’re on a wooden boat in the middle of a storm holding on for dear life. Or maybe, in a fast car just trying to keep the seatbelt tight enough. It’s as if every time you make a big move and start to adapt again, life makes an even bigger move and you’re just like, “touché life, touché.”

In reality, you can make all the plans you want. Do all the research you can manage. Carefully lay out your next steps over the next few years, but it doesn’t really matter. You can’t plan for the weather, no matter what the meteorologists say. Because how can you plan for what you can’t see coming?

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Being Bigger Than Your Pride

I was always raised to be very proud. To be proud of where I come from, to take pride in all that I do and to never allow anyone to treat me in a dis-respectful manner. But if I’ve learned anything in my twenty-seven short years, it’s that sometimes you have to follow your heart and put everything else on the shelf.

Sometimes being the bigger person isn’t about admitting fault or making a point, it’s simply about missing someone. It’s about missing them so much that you do whatever it takes just to have that person back in your life. It’s realizing that their presence in your world is much more valuable than the cold comfort of your pride. Eventually, reach that point where  who was at fault is completely irrelevant. Whether you were to blame or not.

Life is all about little moments. Little moments of happiness, of growth and of clarity. Those little moments are always so much more meaningful when you share them with people you love. So why do we continuously seem to forget that?

Hmm pride can be a bitch sometimes.


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Change Is Inevitable.

Someone close to me once told me that people never really think about how much their decisions can impact those around them. I was fine with giving this city a few more years. I had decided to get a few more things in order before making my way back into the world and, for the most part, I was okay with that decision.

I mean, I still missed home and felt that ghastly pang of guilt in my stomach every time I drove back to Naples, but it was my choice. I had chosen Naples for a while, and Miami was just not an option. At least not when I first moved back to Florida. I was still broken, I needed time. Time to heal, time to cope with my heartbreak and time to take in and adjust to all the changes that went down in the last few years.

That time turned into three years of me living in Naples. I stayed when my family moved back to Miami from LA a few months after I came back. I stayed when my Dad moved back to Miami and left my brother and me in Naples on our own. I even stayed when my brother and I stopped living together and I moved out on my own. Was it scary? Hell yeah.

But it was all a part of this whole new package that I had willingly gone along with. I had a great job at the local newspaper, working in events and marketing. I was back in school, changed my major a few times, only to wind up with what I had started with in the first place – Journalism. I even transferred to FGCU and took out a few student loans in the process.

All of these things were happening and it really felt like my life was on the right track, for once. Well, at least that’s how I justified my decision to stay, even when it felt like the wrong decision.

See, I worked in corporate America a while back but I was much younger and did not like the culture of it all. The bullshit, the back-stabbing nature of the game or the lack of loyalty in the people. Back then, I blamed it on my age, my lack of experience and maturity and I was convinced that with time, I would grow to love that kind of work environment. Now, the more I think about it, the more I think I may have had it all wrong.

While I loved working in marketing and events, and was surprised to actually be good at it too, I have to credit the bulk of that to the leadership I was under. I never had an interest in newspapers, I always felt like they glorified bad news and often swayed to the pull of that pretty penny. But I took the job anyways, not for the company, but to work under her. I knew I had a lot to learn from her the moment I met her, and about that, I could not have been more right.

So when my boss, my friend and above all, my mentor announced that she was leaving the company, it made me think about why I was really there. Still, I had school to think about and I loved the one-on-one attention I was getting at FGCU. But then, my favorite professor at FGCU gave his notice as well and announced that he was leaving the program. To say these two individuals shook my world would be an understatement.

Although my job was still something I highly enjoyed, I could foresee my education taking a backseat to my career once again and that was just not something I was willingly to do.  All of that, mixed in with how much I’ve missed my family and all the issues that go along with that made me sit and really evaluate the path my life was on. Besides, I think four years away from home is long enough.

Where I’ll end up, no one knows, but I can tell you one thing – it will be exactly where I’m meant to be.

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The Real Lesson Here

A few times in my life, I have experienced the feeling of “destiny” when meeting someone new. The feeling is like a pull, almost like gravity, that suddenly makes you feel heavy on the earth. Like you suddenly belong exactly where you are standing at that very moment and no one, and nothing, can move you. It lasts just a few seconds, or even minutes, but then it’s gone and all you’re left with is this feeling like something important just happened. It’s like an understanding that this person should be in your life…

I’ve experienced that feeling twice, and both times I was far too focused on all the wrong things to truly understand what it meant.

The first time I was seventeen, and afraid of what people would say or think if I followed my gut and took the chance on a stranger. It was a complicated situation and I was way too young and inexperienced to really see what was going on at the time.

The second time, I was twenty-three and terrified of making another huge mistake. I was not in a place where I wanted to introduce new people, or complications, into my life and I had already learned how easily a few bad moves could wreak havoc on your entire life. Still, I almost took the chance with this one, but the fear of falling into another downward spiral was just too much. So instead, I went with the logical choice.

People always say that experiences make you wiser and as you get older, you learn to maneuver yourself in this big ole world.  But looking back, I think that what makes us wiser is not the experiences themselves, but the fact that we learn to trust ourselves above all else. We’re born with all the tools that we need to live the lives laid out for us, even with all the curve balls life throws our way. Our gut tells us which way to go and when to stop or move on, we just have to listen.

We get so caught up in societies’ interpretation of what’s right and what’s wrong that we forget the fact that we already know, we know because we can feel it. We come naturally equipped with the skills we need to live in the world, what we learn along the way are the skills we need to survive in the society that we created. We created a society full of double standards, harsh words and an abundance of greed where we should have an abundance of compassion.

In retrospect, I’ve faced this test twice and twice I had failed. I failed because I missed the lesson the first time, and let fear take over the second time. But the lesson is not to take the risk, but to follow my heart, my gut and my own instincts.



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Curly Sue…Take Two

I remember watching Curly Sue as a kid and loving that cute little manipulative crazy haired girl. I felt my heart ache for her, growing up without her Mother and never really having a home. So when it was on the other night, I was ecstatic to watch it again and reminisce.

Curly Sue

Okay, so it just me or is anyone else freaked out by the fact that the storyline in Curly Sue progresses over a short two-week period?! This is a film, that I’ve always loved, with the cute curly haired little girl and her charming caretaker looking for a real family…touching right? But what caught my attention this time was Grey, the female attorney that takes them in. Well, the female attorney that they con into taking them in.

Grey is driving along one day and accidentally hits a guy with her car. The guy gets a bump on the head and happens to have a little girl with him. Blah, blah, blah, she takes them to her house and calls a doctor to make sure this guy is alright. If he didn’t have Sue with him, she would have probably dropped this guy at the nearest ER, but the kid changes the situation.

So, she lets them stay a few days. The kid turns out to be a charmer with this sad little story that makes Grey just want to love her forever. Oh, and Dan turns out to be pretty cute once you throw a suit on him and give him a bath.

In a nutshell, within a two-week period, Grey breaks up with her boyfriend of four years, adopts a little girl and let’s a guy she just met move into her apartment. I mean, whoa.  Right? I’m having anxiety just thinking about how quickly that whole thing transpired.


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Do you ever feel?

Do you ever feel like you’re searching for something that you just can’t find? You know it’s “something” but that’s the best description you even have…it’s the kind of thing you can’t even put your finger on. The kind of thing you just feel, just know. Maybe it’s something that you recognize on a soul level, maybe it’s something from another life. Something you had or almost had. How long have you been searching for it? Could be years, lifetimes, or even millenniums.

I’ve had a close call or two. So close I thought, maybe just maybe, this could be as close as I’ll ever get…but just close is never enough.

It’s not talking about elusive “the one” because frankly that something that you’re searching for could come in many shapes and sizes. Not necessarily in just a romantic arena. It could be one person or even five people.

Who really knows? Who can say it’s limited to one single person? Especially when you may can come into contact with billions of people on this planet.

It’s about a connection. It’s about a sense of knowing someone in a way that’s deeper than even your conscious mind can go. It’s like in that moment, the universe comes to a complete stop, just to give you a second to take it all in.

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Meeting Mr. Rogers

To say that you get a lot of emails on free dating sites would be an understatement. So I went through them, ruling out the weirdos, the too young, too old, even too military and the random kinky couple with an indecent proposal. And then there was Mr. Rogers. A “non-Hispanic” man who seemed interesting enough. This could be fun, I thought. Especially since I’ve never dated anyone that wasn’t Cuban.

So, I answered him. That night we went back and forth, chatting and getting to know each other a little better. He asked to hear my voice, weird how these days we’d so often prefer to text, so I called him. Restricted, of course (you never know). We talked for about an hour, the conversation flowed much smoother that I expected. So when he asked to meet for coffee the next day, I obliged.

At this point I didn’t really know what to expect, dating was never my strong suit. Awkward is much more my thing.

I got there before he did, surprising, I know!

Mr. Rogers

He finally gets there, he parks right next to me. First impressions, right?  Hey, is that Mr. Rogers? I mean, sure, Mr. Rogers was a nice neighbor and all but still. He wore jeans, a jacket and Keds. Sweet as his blue eyes seemed, I knew that being alone with this guy would not be a smart move. I’m usually pretty good at scoping out serial killer potential, or so I’ve always thought, but maybe I missed something here.

I mean, it’s not like I came in expecting this immediate deep connection, but I was hoping for some kind of connection. Not creepy Ted Bundy style vibes. Needless to say, Mr. Rogers and I didn’t go past that night.

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To date or not to date? That is the question.

Online, that is.

The world, it is a changing! At least that’s what I keep hearing. All I see are commercials and ads about how 1 in 5 relationships begin online. Real people on first dates and let’s not forget about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. People don’t meet as organically as they used to and frankly, dating your friends is not exactly wise.

I guess it doesn’t really help that I am undoubtedly awkward in relationships, surprisingly blunt and completely oblivious to the subtle clues and flirtations of the opposite sex. I mean seriously, how many times does a guy have to hint that he wants a neck rub before I stop telling him to go get himself an icy hot patch?

I caved. I obviously need to get better at dating and the only way to get better is to practice. So,I’ve decided to create profiles on a few online dating sites, just the free ones for now, the paid ones require a little more commitment that I can offer at the moment. Why am I telling you this? Well, I decided to document my experiences in online dating on my blog. How else will I know if I actually get better if I don’t share my stories?

Are you ready?

I am.

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Old Habits Die Hard

I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it…

I know I have bad habits, just like I have good habits. But I never really thought about how I was used to being treated. That was never something I really thought of as a habit, until recently. If you go an extended period of time, years, being treated a certain way. Having someone react to your own little habits in a bad way, there comes a point where you become to accustomed to that kind of treatment that you unknowingly hold yourself back.

I was watching TV with a good friend not too long ago, it was late and I was a little tired. All I wanted to do was lay back and get a little close. Something that a handful of years ago would have come totally naturally to me and I would have snuggled up without any hesitation. But now, now I second guess myself and I worry about the reaction. Why? So instead, I sat there. Stiff and awkward, miles away in his bed.

I’ve become so closed off and cautious about human contact…it’s weird. What’s weirder is that it doesn’t happen all the time, but it always happens at the absolute worst possible moment and I freeze. Maybe I need to have like a hug session. I need someone to pull me close and just cuddle me to death. Or I could start walking around with a sign that says “Free Hugs”until I get back to my touchy, feely self.

free hugs storm trooper

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