Jennifer M Lima

I’m not surprised Obama was the first president in a long time to call police officers on their shit. I know some people may justify it with the fact that he’s black…but it’s not even about that.

Obama is giving Americans just what we need, a swift kick in the ass. He’s serving up a handful of help with an eye opening smack. I don’t ever remember reading about a president publicly saying that any cop acted "stupidly". Ever. Not in history class or the news. For me that was a first and I couldn’t help but laugh.

He’s exactly what this country needed in more ways than most Americans can even begin to understand. He’s out spoken, in a good way, not a Bush way. And he is confident. Confident that HE knows what this country needs, not his advisors. I have to say I like his kick ass and take names later attitude.

If I were an egotistical nimrod with a badge…I’d be careful. You wouldn’t want the president to call you stupid on national television. Hello new world order. Loving it.

As a child, I always fought for my Mother’s love and affection. Naturally, the more I pushed the more attentive and affectionate she became with my little brother…ultimately creating some serious sibling rivalry. She had good reasons though, unfortunately those reasons were something my 10 year old mind couldn’t begin to understand.

So as I got older I pushed it out of my mind, until I started dating and automatically associated love with physical affection. An association that later caused serious problems in my relationships. Instilling in me an insatiable need I couldn’t control or understand. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that this was my screwed up interpretation of love.

I came to this realization that this was the root of my biggest problem. I’m happy to say, that after extensive soul searching, I finally understand where the need came from and how to overcome it. Now I can see that love is not holding hands, or constantly hugging and kissing one another. Love is NOT sex, nor is it attention or a kind of affection.

Love is something deeper than any of those things. It is a soul connection people share on a level incomprehensible to the human mind. Something we can only understand on a soul level. I though of love a mother has for her unborn child. She does not hold him or hug him or kiss him. Yet she glows from loving him. She radiates this feeling of complete happiness. A feeling she passes on to that child giving him the sense that he is coming into a world where he is loved.

I also pondered on the love people have for their God. That faith. That unyielding belief that he loves them. An understanding that no matter who you are or what you have done, You Are Loved. That very feeling brings us all to believe that someone is watching over us. Whether you believe it’s your God, your Guardian Angel or your dead Grandmother, the feeling is there. The love is there. The love that pushes us to be better. To be kind. To believe that WE have a purpose amidst all the chaos.

I finally understand. I do not love you with my body, I love you with the very essence of my soul.

Maybe I was born in the wrong era, but there are things I expect from people. Like men, for instance, I know everyone says chivalry is dead but what about honor? Loyalty? When did people stop taking pride in the families they created? The homes they built? What happened to happily ever after? Don’t get me wrong, I never expected it to be easy. But I always believed it was possible, to build a home with someone you love more than air. To create your own little family, white picket fence and all.

I was so caught up in following my heart, I didn’t stop to wonder if we were even compatible. Isn’t love all you need? When did a difference of opinions turn into goodbye?

What happened to working it out? What happened to compromise? An idea that now seems to be a lost art. Lost to all kinds of relationships. Family, the one you were born into, used to back you up no matter what. They were your rock. Your shelter from this big bad world. The one place you could always turn to when life had you down. Now it seems they’re the ones you need shelter from. When did family start turning on their own? When did blood become paper thin?

Lately, it seems like I’m the one with an outdated set of values. People are surprised that I hold loyalty in such high regard. When did that stop being a standard? When did the people close to you stop having your back? It’s almost like ‘hey, yeah no thanks. I can feed myself to the lions.’

It makes me wonder if it’s all this technology that has made us loss touch with what really matters. Each other. Or hey, maybe there’s just something in the water.

As my 23rd birthday approached, I have to admit I found myself in a state of panic but couldn’t understand why. I mean, it’s only my 23rd birthday…it’s not like I was turning 30, which I can already imagine will not be a good one for me. As the days flew by and the 17th became closer and closer, I started to slowly feel like myself, a bit more calm each day. So I decided to face my anxiety and just celebrate my birthday, the alcohol involved was just a plus.

The actual day of was on a Friday so I basically went out for breakfast with my beau and engaged in some serious pampering. I even treated myself to a cat nap, which was seriously needed given my lack of sleep the previous night. The last thing I wanted on the day of my "hawaiian" themed party were dark circles.

So my Luau was set for noon on Saturday, naturally, no one arrived until 2pm. Which was not so bad given the cake disaster that I faced that morning. Imagine a cake decorated with an ocean, sand and an actual tiki hut? It was gorgeous, until the roof of the tiki hut fell forward onto the rest of the cake. Thank goodness they were able to make a new one, it just took another hour or so. Once a few people got there, my honey started to work his magic on the BBQ. He got through one round of burgers when it started raining. No. Correction. It started to POUR.

Classic.

At least we had liquor to keep us busy. Margaritas anyone? All in all, not a bad birthday. Filled with drunk friends running into doors, falling in the pool with clothing and cake fights. Turns out my fear and anxiety was ill deserved. Silly me. Let’s see how I react to my next birthday…at least I have a year to prepare.

I always knew I loved to write, I loved the way my words would just float unto the page and flow to exact same beat as my thoughts. I just never really thought about it as a career. Not until my junior year of high school, when my English teacher suggested I study Journalism in college. She may not know, but she gave my life a whole new meaning. She opened me up to a whole new world of possibilities. A whole new world of options and experiences I might have not had before.  

What anyone failed to mention, was that it wouldn’t always be so easy to get a job. When I first started out, back in 2005, the gigs came easy. I freelanced, learned a lot, did internships and networked. What I failed to learn was that keeping in touch with all the connections I was making would have been very beneficial to me in the future. But I didn’t really think about that part. I was so excited to make the cover, that it was all I ever aimed for. I was overly ambitious, to say the least.

Anyway, several publications later, I can’t seem to find a paid writing gig. Anywhere. I search craigslist, journalismjobs.com, I even write to the editors of local publications. And nothing. I can’t even get a response. A no thank you. I get nada, nothing, zip. You can imagine my dismay. It’s a bummer.

This my friends is why my so called "tales of an aspiring writer", have become random rants, bits and pieces of the story of my life. But hey, I’m still optimistic. So, I’ll go send another hundred or so emails in hopes of getting a ‘hey, thanks for your interest.’

Fingers crossed.

I’ve always as being one step ahead of the pack. You know, just a little bit too mature for my age group. But it seems that, sometime within the past 5 years…my age group caught up with me. Don’t get me wrong, I had my share of rebellious teen years just like everyone else. There were just some mistakes that I just knew not to make.

But lately, I have to admit, I find myself changing and not necessarily for the best. I’ve also heard that your twenties are the years where you hit the most bumps in the road. From coming into your own, to becoming an adult and finding yourself. Finding your meaning…your purpose in this crazy crazy world.

Yet through the years I always felt that I’ve known WHO I was. WHAT I stood for through all the chaos that surrounded my days. Now suddenly,  as my 23rd birthday approaches I feel this unnerving panic that maybe I don’t know it all. More specifically, that I may not know what I want in life AT ALL. This panic is followed by the weirdest sense of calm. Like a rainbow after a storm.

As I count down the days to being one year older…I’m not sure what to make of this epiphany I find myself in. Although I didn’t welcome it with open arms, to say the least, I find oddly reassuring. And I have to smile at the thought of having finally earned a little peace through my coming of age.

Somewhere along the way we lost IT. That thing, that spark, that passion. That unyielding force that brought us together that warm September day. We found LOVE. A love that I thought only existed in fairy tales. I could feel my heart skip a beat whenever you were close. I could forget to breathe if you looked my way. I yearned for your touch like a flower in need of her sunshine.

I remembered those feelings last night as I was dreaming of our love. Our young love. As it began so long ago. I couldn’t help but miss it as soon as I woke up. Making me wonder, where we went wrong. That was when I realized it.

I can’t keep holding back because I give you more than you give me. Everyone wants to be an equal in their relationships, but sometimes that’s not the case. Sometimes that is the point. If relationships are give and take, then maybe my part is to show you. Teach you by giving you my all.

Unconditionally.

Okay, so I kind of pride myself on not doing things for the mere reason that EVERYONE else is doing it. I’ve always upheld that standard in my life as my #1 rule…until now.

I never really bought in to the whole "Twilight" blowup. Didn’t go out and read the book or the reviews or talk about it with anyone. I would actually excuse myself from the conversation if that was the topic. Until a month or so ago, I was doing my little sisters’ hair and my dad had just bought her the movie. So naturally, Steph was raving about it and was in complete shock that I STILL had not seen it. Especially since she had seen it in theaters more than once.

So, unable to argue as to why I was not interested (never a good idea to argue with a teenage girl when it comes to boys, ie. Edward) I gave in. As I was braiding her hair, all of it I might add, during my break from school Andrea (my other little sister) put on the movie. Naturally, we skipped the previews and got straight to it.

I have to admit, I fully expected to be bored and focus on her hair as it played but that was not the case. I found myself completely distracted…taken in by the film, from the beginning. The story line, the intensity between Edward and Bella. I felt like a love sick teenager again. And I LOVED IT!

Unfortunately, I couldn’t finish it that day since I had to go back to school. But I rented it soon after. What an amazing film, for people young to old to appreciate. Being the creative writer that I am, I gave in and bought the book. Oh my god. I was hooked. I finished it in less than two days.

I’m dying to get the next ones, just been too busy. But I should have it by tomorrow. If you’ve read them, then you know what I’m talking about. If you have no idea, I suggest to get on it…and fast. Stephanie Meyer’s use of imagery is exceptional. Her words, the adjectives in her details are so well put that you can easily see it in your mind. Even without having seen the film.

I’m so excited to keep reading that I can barely wait!

I never realized how much I relied on technology to get me through the day until my laptop crashed. Talk about a bad day. I thought I was having a panic attack from the immense amount of stress that came over me as soon as that screen went black. It was as if someone took the very breathe right out of my lungs. Literally.

The days that came after were no better, I’m sad to report, I was like a junkie in desperate need of a quick fix. And no I’m not being overly dramatic…you try it and see how YOU react.

In today’s world technology has become another highly addictive drug that cause serious withdrawals, headaches, and some studies even suggest cancer. On a personal level, it was excruciating to spend an entire two weeks without my tech internet fix.

I’m happy to report that I’ve officially rejoined the world on the internet and have spend my time obsessively updating my profiles on various networks. I’ve even joined a few new ones to market my personal brand. So world look out…here I come! 

I can’t imagine there is anyone on earth that has not heard about the latest epidemic called the "swine flu." It’s even become one of the MOST talked about topics on twitter. Wow. It’s like the plague.

You know something is bad when a country like Egypt orders the slaughter of ALL pigs, roughly 300,000, as a PRECAUTION. I mean, seriously, they had no reason to suspect that it would spread to them but said "hey, to be safe, lets just KILL them all." Not for food, not for our survival, just to be on the safe side. A bit extreme wouldn’t you say?

When I think precaution, I think a vaccine or rigorous testing of all animals and food but death to all…not so much. To me, playing it safe would be ordering all residents in the area to be checked and vaccinated to protect them from the flu. I wonder…did they slaughter all the cows when the epidemic was "mad cow" disease? How many other countries are on the track?

What would happen if someone living there had leprosy? Would they destroy the whole city, taking it back to biblical times? Hmm what would Jesus do? Ahh just kill them all. In my world this would be known as a "red flag." A big one.

But this fear is hitting closer to home than most would like to believe. Locally, two high schools were shut down in Ft. Lauderdale because a few students were believed to be infected. Lets be happy they just closed schools.

At my graduation, my mother repeatedly reminded me not to hug ANYONE or shake their hands…just in case. She had me so spooked I almost cried when they guy sitting next to me informed me he had just gotten back from Mexico…he was just kidding. I think. Even my school took the precaution of sanitizing ALL students hands before walking on stage. These, to me, were reasonable ways to play it safe. A bit much was our graduation gift from the school, a bottle of hand sanitizer.

I’m hoping it’s due to the flu and not because MDC thinks the students could use a little sanitation. But hey, that’s between us.