As a child, I always fought for my Mother’s love and affection. Naturally, the more I pushed the more attentive and affectionate she became with my little brother…ultimately creating some serious sibling rivalry. She had good reasons though, unfortunately those reasons were something my 10 year old mind couldn’t begin to understand.
So as I got older I pushed it out of my mind, until I started dating and automatically associated love with physical affection. An association that later caused serious problems in my relationships. Instilling in me an insatiable need I couldn’t control or understand. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that this was my screwed up interpretation of love.
I came to this realization that this was the root of my biggest problem. I’m happy to say, that after extensive soul searching, I finally understand where the need came from and how to overcome it. Now I can see that love is not holding hands, or constantly hugging and kissing one another. Love is NOT sex, nor is it attention or a kind of affection.
Love is something deeper than any of those things. It is a soul connection people share on a level incomprehensible to the human mind. Something we can only understand on a soul level. I though of love a mother has for her unborn child. She does not hold him or hug him or kiss him. Yet she glows from loving him. She radiates this feeling of complete happiness. A feeling she passes on to that child giving him the sense that he is coming into a world where he is loved.
I also pondered on the love people have for their God. That faith. That unyielding belief that he loves them. An understanding that no matter who you are or what you have done, You Are Loved. That very feeling brings us all to believe that someone is watching over us. Whether you believe it’s your God, your Guardian Angel or your dead Grandmother, the feeling is there. The love is there. The love that pushes us to be better. To be kind. To believe that WE have a purpose amidst all the chaos.
I finally understand. I do not love you with my body, I love you with the very essence of my soul.