Category Archives: Blog Post

Okay so not all of them generate deep thoughts and theories. I mean I’m not going to watch Transformers and convince myself that alien robots are coming to take over the planet and commence a full on war between themselves. That’s a bit much.

But other films, like Knowing, do raise quite a few thoughts into this head of mine. If you’ve seen it, I can’t imagine that the film did not make you think, so I’m assuming we are on the same page here. If you have not seen it, the basic idea of it is that all major catastrophes in the world are premeditated. Kind of like destiny, that all things happen for a reason or a greater purpose…the kind that reveals itself at a later date. That they cannot be stopped or avoided in anyway, regardless or who you are. What is meant to be will ultimately be.

So in the film, angels come down to earth to warn us of these events through numbers. They are sent to try and salvage the human race from extinction, the final event in the number sequence is the Sun releasing these fireballs that will destroy all living things on Earth. The thing is they only warn a select number of children. Children which they plan to take to another planet. A planet where they can start over and all will not be lost.

Although the film is more of a sci-fi thriller than anything, it has its tear jerking moments where a sap like myself ended up bawling my eyes out. I’m such a sucker for goodbyes

All of this made me think, what if we really don’t have any control of where our lives are going? I mean I know ultimately as human beings, we have free will…well as much as the government permits that is. But what if our choices were limited? Limited in the way that if we were supposed to end of in a specific city, things would happen that would leave us with no other option than to go to that city. How much control do you really have?

Like if you are meant to be in a relationship with someone in particular for whatever reason…karma, destiny, fate…but for some reason you choose to fight it. Wouldn’t it find a way regardless of what you wanted? For example, people who have trouble having children and then they break up and suddenly they have kids. Could it just be that you weren’t meant to have children with that person?

It’s the same with death. I am a firm believer that what is meant to be will be. Always. So if I’m going to die on a Tuesday and I decide that I will stay locked inside my house every Tuesday because I don’t want to die…am I really doing anything? How many people die in their houses? Or have freak accidents happen, like a car crashing through your living room? Is it fate or just coincidence?

I think fate. So I say, Live each day like your last. Never leave for tomorrow what you can do today. And be good to the people you love, you never know how long you will have them.

Today is a gift and tomorrow is never promised.

Why are some people so damn ignorant? It’s like, really you thought about it and still thought you should say that? Really???

The reason for my annoyance is due to an ad I just read on craigslist.org, a website I go on religiously. I go to find vintage items, or writing gigs and just for the sheer curiosity of knowing what other people give away.

Anyway, there was an ad for a free Spanish Bible and some jackass felt the need to reply to the post. Was his response beneficial to anyone, you may ask? No. It was not. He, for one reason or another, felt that he should share his dumb-ass opinion with the craigslist community.

What did he have to say? I tried to post it here but it was flagged, of course. In a nut shell, he said that the bible as in English and that GOD only replied to prayers in English. Stating that prayers in Spanish were marked as "spam" and that he knew that for a fact. 

Like I said, dumb-ass. It annoyed me sooo much, that I felt the need to post MY opinion. here’s what I posted.

RE:Re: Spanish Bible ((EVERYWHERE))

Date: 2009-09-22, 6:39PM PDT
Reply to: sale-ygmgm-1387808466@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

Regarding your uneducated response to God speaking only English…blah blah blah.

If you weren’t so caught up in being prejudice against Spanish culture, than you might discover that God a.k.a. Jesus spoke Hebrew and the Bible was originally made up of Greek, Aramaic and Hebrew gospels. Given that those were the dominant languages during his time. Which is why the original gospels have been translated into so many, later developed languages, including English. And in case you didn’t know, he was also Jewish.

So before you try to be little other people, read up on the subject so maybe next time you won’t look like an ass.

• Location: (EVERYWHERE)
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

HOPE HE GETS THE PICTURE.

Okay, so the magazine that I started freelancing for right before I left Miami is going to have me cover events here in LA…what an awesome way to establish myself in the West Coast right?! I’m so excited. I already have a list of things I’d love to cover, artists that would make nice profiles and bands that I think the world should know. Well, at least the rest of the United States…the mag is national.

Other than that, I’m still getting settled…trying to organize myself and get some more furniture. At least I got my bed right? That was the most important…I think. Next is a desk, then maybe a vanity. Gosh, I’ve always wanted a vanity in my room or in my house. I never really had space before, but now I’m thinking I’m going to take advantage of the extra space in my new room. If I could only decide on layout…

Anyway, I’ve got some painting to do. Spray painting that is 😉 You know me.

Always restoring something old.

Sometimes life comes at you fast and you don’t have the time to analyze your choices. So you make the first one that comes to mind. It’s may not always seem like the best one, but it will always be your gut instinct. Which, in my opinion, is the best choice you can make. Ever. 

The few times I have gone against my gut, I’ve hit walls. No. More like walked into a demolition site with 20 seconds ’till explosion. Needless to say, it has not been pretty.

This time, while my decision was sudden, it was exactly what my heart wanted…it just didn’t know it yet.   

It all started with the end of my 6 year relationship with a boy I was really never compatible with, but loved deeply. I was about to start working on my B.A. at St. Thomas University and had finally landed a job at a local newspaper when he decided we just weren’t working out anymore. Let’s just say, I never saw that coming.

So I moved across the country to Southern California, to make a clean fresh start. The move wasn’t as hard as I had expected it to be. I mean, I have family here so I wasn’t really leave too much behind besides my friends…and him. The choice at first made me feel like I was losing my mind. how could I just pack up and move 3,000 miles away from the only home I’d ever known??? Did people actually do this? What if I didn’t like it…where would I go?

All these doubts and questions and worries clouded my mind for weeks. Until the day I booked my one-way ticket out of Miami. From the moment I printed my confirmation, this odd calm came over me. Like for the first time in my life I was doing the right thing. I was going to be exactly where I should be. Like, the right place at the right time.

I packed my bags, quit my job, transferred out of school and said "Hellooo City of Angels." And I have to admit, this city is exactly where I should be. Now lets just see, if its ready for a Miami girl like me.

I thought growing pains were only supposed to be during your teens….you know coming into your own. Fitting in…actually GROWING. Guess I was wrong.

It’s as if every time you’re faced with a new challenge, a new choice…another opportunity to grow a little you’re going to FEEL it. I’ve got so many things going on lately I don’t know what to do with myself much less what to think. I can’t even begin to contemplate what I should do. What choice I should make….what is the right path for me.

I expected my teens to be hard, but I wasn’t prepared for so many hard lefts in my twenties. I thought that these would be the years I could explore. Push myself to my limits. Expand my horizons.

So now, just when I started to feel like I was getting it together, that I’m starting to work on my B.A., that I finally got a job in my field….my whole family is moving away. Three thousand miles away to be exact. My initial decision was not to go…to stay here and see where my life stakes me. Remain on this path with my school, my job and my boyfriend. But the closer I get to the day they leave, the more anxious I get.
 
I almost feel like I’m falling apart…I cry at the tiniest thing and then I just can’t stop myself. It’s like a waterfall over spilt milk. The whole thing is also putting a strain on my relationship, but how could it not? He doesn’t understand how much this is affecting me. So naturally, we argue about it. About my mood swings lately, about my crying, about it all.

I know it’s not right to direct my frustrations at him, but I can’t help it. I can’t seem to get what I need from him right now and I don’t know how to fix it. Maybe a part of me sees him as the reason I’m staying…the cause for this heartache. But I know that he’s not the cause. He is not the one moving away, and the choice to stay was mine. No one else.

Yet, all of this brings me to question if we’re right for each other. I mean, we’ve been together for six years…shouldn’t he know how to comfort me by now? Can’t he see through my crankiness? Doesn’t he see that I’m just trying to get through this in one piece??? If he doesn’t see that I’m just having a hard time with all this change now, what can I expect from him if I do fall apart? Would he even know how to put me back together? Would he try?

Needless to say, I’m going through a rough time right now…so you’ll be seeing more entries on my blog than usual. Whether that’s a good or a bad thing, I don’t know but I don’t really care either. I need to get this stuff off my chest and for right now this blog is the only place I can do that….for now.

So, being the creatively driven person that I am, I’m developing my entrepreneur skills by opening an online shop at esty.com. It’s a store where I sell my original and handmade jewelry ranging from necklaces to charm bracelets and even rosaries. I also make father head pieces with Swarovski crystals. In addition to the accessories I have for sale, I am listing original photographs as 8 x 10’s, printed on professional photo paper and either matted or un-matted.

All my pieces are one of a kind designs that add feminine touches to any outfit. They are fun, flirty and fearless.

So give in and take a look.  www.etsy.com/shop.php

I also make custom pieces if you have an idea J Just let me know.

I’m not surprised Obama was the first president in a long time to call police officers on their shit. I know some people may justify it with the fact that he’s black…but it’s not even about that.

Obama is giving Americans just what we need, a swift kick in the ass. He’s serving up a handful of help with an eye opening smack. I don’t ever remember reading about a president publicly saying that any cop acted "stupidly". Ever. Not in history class or the news. For me that was a first and I couldn’t help but laugh.

He’s exactly what this country needed in more ways than most Americans can even begin to understand. He’s out spoken, in a good way, not a Bush way. And he is confident. Confident that HE knows what this country needs, not his advisors. I have to say I like his kick ass and take names later attitude.

If I were an egotistical nimrod with a badge…I’d be careful. You wouldn’t want the president to call you stupid on national television. Hello new world order. Loving it.

As a child, I always fought for my Mother’s love and affection. Naturally, the more I pushed the more attentive and affectionate she became with my little brother…ultimately creating some serious sibling rivalry. She had good reasons though, unfortunately those reasons were something my 10 year old mind couldn’t begin to understand.

So as I got older I pushed it out of my mind, until I started dating and automatically associated love with physical affection. An association that later caused serious problems in my relationships. Instilling in me an insatiable need I couldn’t control or understand. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that this was my screwed up interpretation of love.

I came to this realization that this was the root of my biggest problem. I’m happy to say, that after extensive soul searching, I finally understand where the need came from and how to overcome it. Now I can see that love is not holding hands, or constantly hugging and kissing one another. Love is NOT sex, nor is it attention or a kind of affection.

Love is something deeper than any of those things. It is a soul connection people share on a level incomprehensible to the human mind. Something we can only understand on a soul level. I though of love a mother has for her unborn child. She does not hold him or hug him or kiss him. Yet she glows from loving him. She radiates this feeling of complete happiness. A feeling she passes on to that child giving him the sense that he is coming into a world where he is loved.

I also pondered on the love people have for their God. That faith. That unyielding belief that he loves them. An understanding that no matter who you are or what you have done, You Are Loved. That very feeling brings us all to believe that someone is watching over us. Whether you believe it’s your God, your Guardian Angel or your dead Grandmother, the feeling is there. The love is there. The love that pushes us to be better. To be kind. To believe that WE have a purpose amidst all the chaos.

I finally understand. I do not love you with my body, I love you with the very essence of my soul.

Maybe I was born in the wrong era, but there are things I expect from people. Like men, for instance, I know everyone says chivalry is dead but what about honor? Loyalty? When did people stop taking pride in the families they created? The homes they built? What happened to happily ever after? Don’t get me wrong, I never expected it to be easy. But I always believed it was possible, to build a home with someone you love more than air. To create your own little family, white picket fence and all.

I was so caught up in following my heart, I didn’t stop to wonder if we were even compatible. Isn’t love all you need? When did a difference of opinions turn into goodbye?

What happened to working it out? What happened to compromise? An idea that now seems to be a lost art. Lost to all kinds of relationships. Family, the one you were born into, used to back you up no matter what. They were your rock. Your shelter from this big bad world. The one place you could always turn to when life had you down. Now it seems they’re the ones you need shelter from. When did family start turning on their own? When did blood become paper thin?

Lately, it seems like I’m the one with an outdated set of values. People are surprised that I hold loyalty in such high regard. When did that stop being a standard? When did the people close to you stop having your back? It’s almost like ‘hey, yeah no thanks. I can feed myself to the lions.’

It makes me wonder if it’s all this technology that has made us loss touch with what really matters. Each other. Or hey, maybe there’s just something in the water.

As my 23rd birthday approached, I have to admit I found myself in a state of panic but couldn’t understand why. I mean, it’s only my 23rd birthday…it’s not like I was turning 30, which I can already imagine will not be a good one for me. As the days flew by and the 17th became closer and closer, I started to slowly feel like myself, a bit more calm each day. So I decided to face my anxiety and just celebrate my birthday, the alcohol involved was just a plus.

The actual day of was on a Friday so I basically went out for breakfast with my beau and engaged in some serious pampering. I even treated myself to a cat nap, which was seriously needed given my lack of sleep the previous night. The last thing I wanted on the day of my "hawaiian" themed party were dark circles.

So my Luau was set for noon on Saturday, naturally, no one arrived until 2pm. Which was not so bad given the cake disaster that I faced that morning. Imagine a cake decorated with an ocean, sand and an actual tiki hut? It was gorgeous, until the roof of the tiki hut fell forward onto the rest of the cake. Thank goodness they were able to make a new one, it just took another hour or so. Once a few people got there, my honey started to work his magic on the BBQ. He got through one round of burgers when it started raining. No. Correction. It started to POUR.

Classic.

At least we had liquor to keep us busy. Margaritas anyone? All in all, not a bad birthday. Filled with drunk friends running into doors, falling in the pool with clothing and cake fights. Turns out my fear and anxiety was ill deserved. Silly me. Let’s see how I react to my next birthday…at least I have a year to prepare.