Monthly Archives: July 2009

I’m not surprised Obama was the first president in a long time to call police officers on their shit. I know some people may justify it with the fact that he’s black…but it’s not even about that.

Obama is giving Americans just what we need, a swift kick in the ass. He’s serving up a handful of help with an eye opening smack. I don’t ever remember reading about a president publicly saying that any cop acted "stupidly". Ever. Not in history class or the news. For me that was a first and I couldn’t help but laugh.

He’s exactly what this country needed in more ways than most Americans can even begin to understand. He’s out spoken, in a good way, not a Bush way. And he is confident. Confident that HE knows what this country needs, not his advisors. I have to say I like his kick ass and take names later attitude.

If I were an egotistical nimrod with a badge…I’d be careful. You wouldn’t want the president to call you stupid on national television. Hello new world order. Loving it.

As a child, I always fought for my Mother’s love and affection. Naturally, the more I pushed the more attentive and affectionate she became with my little brother…ultimately creating some serious sibling rivalry. She had good reasons though, unfortunately those reasons were something my 10 year old mind couldn’t begin to understand.

So as I got older I pushed it out of my mind, until I started dating and automatically associated love with physical affection. An association that later caused serious problems in my relationships. Instilling in me an insatiable need I couldn’t control or understand. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that this was my screwed up interpretation of love.

I came to this realization that this was the root of my biggest problem. I’m happy to say, that after extensive soul searching, I finally understand where the need came from and how to overcome it. Now I can see that love is not holding hands, or constantly hugging and kissing one another. Love is NOT sex, nor is it attention or a kind of affection.

Love is something deeper than any of those things. It is a soul connection people share on a level incomprehensible to the human mind. Something we can only understand on a soul level. I though of love a mother has for her unborn child. She does not hold him or hug him or kiss him. Yet she glows from loving him. She radiates this feeling of complete happiness. A feeling she passes on to that child giving him the sense that he is coming into a world where he is loved.

I also pondered on the love people have for their God. That faith. That unyielding belief that he loves them. An understanding that no matter who you are or what you have done, You Are Loved. That very feeling brings us all to believe that someone is watching over us. Whether you believe it’s your God, your Guardian Angel or your dead Grandmother, the feeling is there. The love is there. The love that pushes us to be better. To be kind. To believe that WE have a purpose amidst all the chaos.

I finally understand. I do not love you with my body, I love you with the very essence of my soul.

Maybe I was born in the wrong era, but there are things I expect from people. Like men, for instance, I know everyone says chivalry is dead but what about honor? Loyalty? When did people stop taking pride in the families they created? The homes they built? What happened to happily ever after? Don’t get me wrong, I never expected it to be easy. But I always believed it was possible, to build a home with someone you love more than air. To create your own little family, white picket fence and all.

I was so caught up in following my heart, I didn’t stop to wonder if we were even compatible. Isn’t love all you need? When did a difference of opinions turn into goodbye?

What happened to working it out? What happened to compromise? An idea that now seems to be a lost art. Lost to all kinds of relationships. Family, the one you were born into, used to back you up no matter what. They were your rock. Your shelter from this big bad world. The one place you could always turn to when life had you down. Now it seems they’re the ones you need shelter from. When did family start turning on their own? When did blood become paper thin?

Lately, it seems like I’m the one with an outdated set of values. People are surprised that I hold loyalty in such high regard. When did that stop being a standard? When did the people close to you stop having your back? It’s almost like ‘hey, yeah no thanks. I can feed myself to the lions.’

It makes me wonder if it’s all this technology that has made us loss touch with what really matters. Each other. Or hey, maybe there’s just something in the water.

As my 23rd birthday approached, I have to admit I found myself in a state of panic but couldn’t understand why. I mean, it’s only my 23rd birthday…it’s not like I was turning 30, which I can already imagine will not be a good one for me. As the days flew by and the 17th became closer and closer, I started to slowly feel like myself, a bit more calm each day. So I decided to face my anxiety and just celebrate my birthday, the alcohol involved was just a plus.

The actual day of was on a Friday so I basically went out for breakfast with my beau and engaged in some serious pampering. I even treated myself to a cat nap, which was seriously needed given my lack of sleep the previous night. The last thing I wanted on the day of my "hawaiian" themed party were dark circles.

So my Luau was set for noon on Saturday, naturally, no one arrived until 2pm. Which was not so bad given the cake disaster that I faced that morning. Imagine a cake decorated with an ocean, sand and an actual tiki hut? It was gorgeous, until the roof of the tiki hut fell forward onto the rest of the cake. Thank goodness they were able to make a new one, it just took another hour or so. Once a few people got there, my honey started to work his magic on the BBQ. He got through one round of burgers when it started raining. No. Correction. It started to POUR.

Classic.

At least we had liquor to keep us busy. Margaritas anyone? All in all, not a bad birthday. Filled with drunk friends running into doors, falling in the pool with clothing and cake fights. Turns out my fear and anxiety was ill deserved. Silly me. Let’s see how I react to my next birthday…at least I have a year to prepare.