Online, that is.
The world, it is a changing! At least that’s what I keep hearing. All I see are commercials and ads about how 1 in 5 relationships begin online. Real people on first dates and let’s not forget about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. People don’t meet as organically as they used to and frankly, dating your friends is not exactly wise.
I guess it doesn’t really help that I am undoubtedly awkward in relationships, surprisingly blunt and completely oblivious to the subtle clues and flirtations of the opposite sex. I mean seriously, how many times does a guy have to hint that he wants a neck rub before I stop telling him to go get himself an icy hot patch?
I caved. I obviously need to get better at dating and the only way to get better is to practice. So,I’ve decided to create profiles on a few online dating sites, just the free ones for now, the paid ones require a little more commitment that I can offer at the moment. Why am I telling you this? Well, I decided to document my experiences in online dating on my blog. How else will I know if I actually get better if I don’t share my stories?
Are you ready?
I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it…
I know I have bad habits, just like I have good habits. But I never really thought about how I was used to being treated. That was never something I really thought of as a habit, until recently. If you go an extended period of time, years, being treated a certain way. Having someone react to your own little habits in a bad way, there comes a point where you become to accustomed to that kind of treatment that you unknowingly hold yourself back.
I was watching TV with a good friend not too long ago, it was late and I was a little tired. All I wanted to do was lay back and get a little close. Something that a handful of years ago would have come totally naturally to me and I would have snuggled up without any hesitation. But now, now I second guess myself and I worry about the reaction. Why? So instead, I sat there. Stiff and awkward, miles away in his bed.
I’ve become so closed off and cautious about human contact…it’s weird. What’s weirder is that it doesn’t happen all the time, but it always happens at the absolute worst possible moment and I freeze. Maybe I need to have like a hug session. I need someone to pull me close and just cuddle me to death. Or I could start walking around with a sign that says “Free Hugs”until I get back to my touchy, feely self.