Monthly Archives: August 2011

Relationships…do we ever really move on?

Relationships are a part of life. An inevitable part of life,  whether it’s our relationships with our families, friends or our significant other. We all have them…some more than others. Some leave a few footprints on your heart, some leave a few cracks in your soul and very few change the course of your life. Those special relationships have the ability to knock your train off the tracks and force you to take a leap of faith.

No matter how big or small the impact a relationship has on your life, there are always complications. Why are relationships so complicated? Because people are complicated. We all have layers upon layers upon layers of ourselves. Some of these layers are obvious like our taste in food and others, like trust and commitment issues, are hiding beneath the surface.

I heard something today that made me think, really think about why we move on the way we do. “It’s easier to live with someone that you’re not in love with than with someone you are in love with.” To be honest, I never really thought about it like that, but it does make sense. When you’re in love, you’re vulnerable to that person. Anything they do or say can either make your day or ruin it. It may not be something they do intentionally, but that’s not really the point is it?

Yet, when you live with someone that your heart is not vulnerable to…it’s so much simpler. You don’t have that fear of losing them or sensitivity to their moods. And well, speaking your mind is a little bit easier too.

The same goes for being in a relationship with someone that you don’t love. I remember dating a boy that I wasn’t in love with, but he was in love with me. It’s wasn’t a very long relationship but it does stand out in my memories. It stands out because it’s the only relationship I’ve ever been in where I was in total control. I had the power. I felt powerful because there was no risk with him. My heart was in zero danger and my emotions were completely unaffected by our situation.

Now, looking back after being in a relationship were I could never get a grip on my feelings, the thought of being in a new relationship where I could feel that power had its appeal. Still, do we ever really leave any of our past relationships behind? Our ex-boyfriends, old friends or distant relatives, are they ever really gone?

I was talking to a friend about this very thing a few days ago and she said “No te vas ha fijar en nadie si no cortas de esa relación,” which in English basically means that you’re not really going to be interested in anyone new if you don’t let go of your past. I thought about this for a while…and it made me wonder. I know you can cut people out of your life, but can you ever really cut them out of your heart?

 

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Inspirational Quote

“Be thankful for the bad things in your life. They open your eyes to the good things you weren’t paying attention to before.”

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These are for you.

I found these phrases on Tumblr, a website that I seem to be seriously obsessed with lately, and each and every one of them describes exactly how I feel about you right now.

So first of all,

“I need to mentally stop making up scenarios of you and me together, because in the end, I know I’ll be disappointed with the outcome.”

and I need to remember that

“Sometimes I start to miss you and then I realize how sad you made me and then I start to hate you again.”

so

“Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers, and move on. You don’t have to forget who that person was to you; only accept that they aren’t that person anymore.”

and you know what?

“Sooner or later you’re going to wish you had me.”

So for now,

“If you’re going to come in my life, can you at least make the effort of trying to stay here? If you’re going to leave, just leave and stop coming back. Don’t think you can walk in and out whenever you please and talk to me just when you want. Keep it consistent please. You’re fucking me up.”

oh and,

“Don’t talk to me because you’re “bored.” I’m not here to entertain you. And don’t come to me only when you need a favor. I don’t like being used. Just get the fuck away because I’m not going to be your last resort. I want someone to talk to me because they sincerely want to. Those kind of people are worth my time.”

Is that clear enough for you? Great, thanks.

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A few things I bet you didn’t know

1. Weird things you do when you’re alone.

Fantasize…outloud. 

2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I outgrew my old skin, my old fears and my old self.

3. What kind of person attracts you?

A sarcastic one.

4. What you wear to bed.

A really ragged old shirt.

5. Five things that irritate you about the opposite sex.

Lack of understanding for why girls take so much time to get ready.

6. The person you like and why you like them.

7. Your opinion on cheating people.

I think that we’re all human and can easily make mistakes. Monogamy is a choice, a choice that goes against our natural instincts, but we make it anyway for love. It’s not the cheating that I can’t handle, it’s the lying.

8. Something you’re currently worrying about.

Standing on my own two feet.

9. Your last kiss.

Wasn’t worth remembering.

10. Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Over-rated.

11. Your current relationship status.

Single and finally getting to know me. 

12. Things you want to say to your ex.

F%$k You and your opinions too. 

13. A date you would love to go on.

Paint-balling.

14. Something disgusting you do.

I tend to dip my toast in my coffee.

15. The best thing to happen to you this week.

Got to know some really great people on a work trip.

16. Three things you are proud of about your personality.

My witt, my compassion and my strength.

17. Things that make you scared.

Not being able to get a hold of my family…my mind also goes to kidnapping and murder. Blame it on horror films.

18. Disrespecting parents.

Not cool. At any age.

19. Something that never fails to make you feel better.

A hug.

20. The last argument you had.

Today and sadly it was nothing new.

21. Something you can’t seem to get over.

Him.

22. Something you always think “what if…” about.

Not going away to college.

23. Your religious beliefs.

I believe in God. I believe in Karma. I believe in showing others the same kindness you’d like them to show you. My beliefs are much more spiritual than religious.

24. Talk about your siblings.

I’m the oldest of 6 children and my siblings are some of the most amazing human beings I have ever met. They radiate awesomeness in everything they do and inspire me by having the strength to be true to themselves in a world that is constantly trying to corrupt them. I love you guys.

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Inspirational Quote

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love  the people who treat you right, forget about the  ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. “

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The kind of clarity that comes with age…

People always say, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” or how “things are always clearer when you’re looking to the past.” I have to admit, I’ve been known to use those phrases a time or two, but it’s one of those things you don’t really see the truth in until it hits you right in the face. And yes, turning 25 may have a little bit to do with my current state of mind, but maybe this train of thought was inevitable.

So I sat back and took a look around at my life recently, a good look, and I realized something. I have exactly what I wanted two years ago. A job in my field that I love, and happen to do well, that gives me financial independence and stability. A place of my own that I can decorate exactly how I want to.  I have complete freedom. The only problem is…I’m not the same person I was two years ago.

The two years it took me to get here, to this place in my life, have left me forever changed. Be fore, my priority was career. I wanted a steady job in my field, I wanted to be somewhere that I could grow professionally. I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet, not to rely on others. Complete independence and success were my goals and relationships kind of took a backseat to those priorities. And although I’ve always felt that love is a very important part of life, I never really put much value on the things that came with love. I didn’t think having a family was as important as having a career. So I refused to give in to that idea and settle down. I fought it so much that the thought of walking down the aisle made my heart race,  and not in a good way.

But now, sitting in my carefully decorated apartment, checking work emails…my point of view is a little bit different. Too bad I couldn’t figure this out before huh? Now I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if love will find me again. And next time…I may surprise you.

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