The kind of clarity that comes with age…

People always say, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” or how “things are always clearer when you’re looking to the past.” I have to admit, I’ve been known to use those phrases a time or two, but it’s one of those things you don’t really see the truth in until it hits you right in the face. And yes, turning 25 may have a little bit to do with my current state of mind, but maybe this train of thought was inevitable.

So I sat back and took a look around at my life recently, a good look, and I realized something. I have exactly what I wanted two years ago. A job in my field that I love, and happen to do well, that gives me financial independence and stability. A place of my own that I can decorate exactly how I want to.  I have complete freedom. The only problem is…I’m not the same person I was two years ago.

The two years it took me to get here, to this place in my life, have left me forever changed. Be fore, my priority was career. I wanted a steady job in my field, I wanted to be somewhere that I could grow professionally. I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet, not to rely on others. Complete independence and success were my goals and relationships kind of took a backseat to those priorities. And although I’ve always felt that love is a very important part of life, I never really put much value on the things that came with love. I didn’t think having a family was as important as having a career. So I refused to give in to that idea and settle down. I fought it so much that the thought of walking down the aisle made my heart race,  and not in a good way.

But now, sitting in my carefully decorated apartment, checking work emails…my point of view is a little bit different. Too bad I couldn’t figure this out before huh? Now I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if love will find me again. And next time…I may surprise you.

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