People always say, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” or how “things are always clearer when you’re looking to the past.” I have to admit, I’ve been known to use those phrases a time or two, but it’s one of those things you don’t really see the truth in until it hits you right in the face. And yes, turning 25 may have a little bit to do with my current state of mind, but maybe this train of thought was inevitable.
So I sat back and took a look around at my life recently, a good look, and I realized something. I have exactly what I wanted two years ago. A job in my field that I love, and happen to do well, that gives me financial independence and stability. A place of my own that I can decorate exactly how I want to. I have complete freedom. The only problem is…I’m not the same person I was two years ago.
The two years it took me to get here, to this place in my life, have left me forever changed. Be fore, my priority was career. I wanted a steady job in my field, I wanted to be somewhere that I could grow professionally. I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet, not to rely on others. Complete independence and success were my goals and relationships kind of took a backseat to those priorities. And although I’ve always felt that love is a very important part of life, I never really put much value on the things that came with love. I didn’t think having a family was as important as having a career. So I refused to give in to that idea and settle down. I fought it so much that the thought of walking down the aisle made my heart race, and not in a good way.
But now, sitting in my carefully decorated apartment, checking work emails…my point of view is a little bit different. Too bad I couldn’t figure this out before huh? Now I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if love will find me again. And next time…I may surprise you.