It’s unfortunate that I’m forced to start off the year with a broken heart. All because I fell in love with a boy…who hasn’t found his way yet and has the maturity of a sixteen year old teenage boy when he is twenty-three. Go figure. It’s also possible that I’m too mature for him. Which is still sad for me. With him, the past 5 years have been a never ending cycle of mistakes…on both sides. For some we do the exact same things over and over and over again. <<<Definition of insanity. And now…..
All that’s left of him is a faded memory,
A memory of the boy that once was.
A boy I once loved,
More than words can tell.
Now he is another picture of a picture,
That can no longer be found.
He is that blurred image in the corner of my eye,
That will disappear if I blink again.
So I blink.
People always tell you that a new year means a fresh start…a new beginning. But how do you just let go of the previous year? Are you expected to just push it aside…hide it in that dark corner of your mind like those memories just don’t count? Maybe I just haven’t been jaded enough to do that. Maybe that does make me immature…but what if I think being mature isn’t all that. Maybe…just maybe I’d rather be myself. Even if that means I cry at sad movies and wear my heart on my sleeve. When did the world get so cynical that hiding our feelings from each other was the considered the norm?
Well you know what? My New Year’s Resolution for 2009 is to NOT conform to what society expects of me. As of 2009 I will live my life and act as I please and for once, I will NOT feel guilty about it. I will NOT feel bad or weak when something makes me cry. I WILL be me, in all my funky style and my controversial opinions. I will love whom ever I want to love and society will just have to deal with it. I will write what I feel and play my music as loud as I please 🙂
I guess I never realized that growing up could mean that you wouldn’t always agree with the ideals you were taught as a child. That your life might reach a point where you would have to make a choice between what you know and what you feel. For me, as a creature that is completely ruled my her emotions, this fork in the road is a tough one. I can only hope that once I pass it…the girl in the mirror will be me.