When I first fell in love with him, I was just a child. A hopeful and determined little girl with dreams of forever. He was more than just my first love, he opened up my world to all these emotions and intensity I didn’t know I had in me. He taught me how to be more open and affectionate. I learned how to express my love with hugs and kisses, not just words and letters. Our love story was filled with soul shaking passion, intensity, pain and obstacles.
Over the next 5 years, give or take, I grew up a lot. I made tons of mistakes and learned what it felt like to be forgiven and loved no matter how hurtful my mistake had been to him. In return, I learned to be the same with him or at least I tried. To be forgiving and to love unconditionally. A lesson that broke down my walls and shook my very being to the core. I still feel some resistance when it comes to forgiving and letting go.
The love I had for him was so intense that it brought tears to my eyes when we touched because I knew that in those moments, I would do anything to keep him. But, like any love that blooms in youth, our biggest obstacle was yet to come. They say that one of the milestones young love has to endure is growing up and growing together. For us, it has been the most difficult.
As we grew, we began to see that the paths we were chosing were going in opposite directions. He wanted to settle down, to start a family and I wanted to explore. I wanted to travel and to learn and to find myself in this great big world. Exploring new places ,cultures and crafts is something that makes my soul smile. But loving him as I did, I tried to modify my wants to fit his world. Looking back, that was my first mistake.