work | Jennifer M Lima

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January 10, 2012 · 12:55 AM

Awkward is my specialty

So today was pretty interesting…

I recently took on a new role at work where I’m in charge of our company events and our first event is coming up fast. I’ve gone through the motions or transitioning into this new role, meeting people and trying to get them to actually take me seriously. Who knew people twice my age would have such a hard take me seriously.

Anyways, today was the first luncheon I took lead on for our upcoming event. This luncheon consisted of some pretty important people in my community including CEO’s and VP’s of major hospitals. So how did it go?

Well, for starters I had a few hiccups setting up for the luncheon, including getting shooed out of the room I was having it in 20 minutes before it was supposed to start. Then, we finally got set up and people started to arrive and well…eat.I take my place, set down my binder and water bottle and sit down. I get a little thirsty, so I reach for my water bottle and for some insane reason, I smack it down and knock over a cup of iced tea. Not just any cup, it’s one of the CEO’s iced tea and it spills all over the table, his pens, his glasses and of course his fancy keys. Awesome. I frantically clean it up as the room goes silent and get ready for our panel.

So I finally get up, ready to give my welcome speech and the words fail me. I can’t remember what I was going to say. Luckily, I had a print out of my speech, unfortunately as I stood tall and with my eyes glued down to my paper as I read…it was like a shy kid in grade school. I skipped sentences, spoke fast and made ZERO eye contact. But the show went on without anymore issues, at least not from me.

Not so bad for my first intro huh?

To age or not to age?

I’m having a bit of a difficult time lately with my aging and growth process. People always say that your teenage years are the hardest, and yeah mine were kind of crazy, but my twenties are definitely a hundred times more challenging. I mean yes, my teens were filled with mood swings, emotional ups and downs at the drop of a hat and obscene hormone levels, but even with all that I felt more alive than anything.

And now, I can’t really figure out where I am or where I should be. I’ll admit I had a minor meltdown right before I turned 25 a few months back, but I handled it…or so I thought. It was unfortunate that my meltdown happened at work and in front of co-workers, but luckily I was able to stop the tears pretty fast. Anyway, the past few weeks I’ve really been thinking about everything that’s happened in the past 2 years. Everything that has brought me to where I am today.

I have this amazing job that I love, a great apartment, I mean I practically live in paradise and I have an incredible family and loved ones…and still. There’s something missing. It’s weird because, for the first time in my life, I’m living totally on my own with no help from my parents or a boyfriend and I should be feeling great. I should be feeling like the strong, independent young woman that I’ve become. Instead, I feel a little out of place.

Your twenties are supposed to be the time that you have to try things out. To make mistakes and really find yourself, which I think is great, but by settling into this small town in a corporate job in the middle of my twenties am I giving in too quickly? Am I rushing to fit into this new role now just because I’m recovering from the breakup? Yes, the breakup is still a factor in my life. Some people, like my ex, move on quickly and forgot about you within a week, and some people are like me and take the time to heal. So yeah, it’s taking me a while to completely get over someone that was such a huge part of my life for about a decade. It is what it is so deal with it.

I just wish I could pause things where they are now, go off and have a million life experiences in a handful of countries and then come back and be all grown up and responsible. Why is the timing on this kind of shit always so off? On top of all this, the fact that I’ve been feeling like such an outsider is just making me miss home. It has me actually talking about moving back to Miami in “what if” terms, which is a little scary too.

What would you do if it were you? How did you live up your twenties?

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