Monthly Archives: November 2011

Feeling that good ‘ol holiday spirit

Maybe there’s something in the air, maybe it’s just a blend of good times or maybe it’s the result of extreme moments of intoxication. Whatever the reason behind it, I’m oh so jolly for the holidays this year. Don’t get me wrong, this is always my favorite time of year, but there’s just something different about this year. I can’t remember the last time I felt this…well…happy. Is that sad? Has it been that long since I’ve had a holiday this nice and drama free? Damn. Maybe it has.

Either way, I am beyond words grateful for all the amazing people that I have in my life right now. I’ve been changing a lot these past few years and would be where I am today without them. It’s crazy, because where I am, is something I fought for so long. Something I was sure I did not want and now, looking back, I was just scared. Scared of really branching out and testing out these wings. I held onto something much longer than I should have just because it was easier than letting it go. But I can’t say those years were wasted because I still accomplished a lot of cool things during that time, but it’s like they say “it’s always clear when you’re looking towards the past.” I think everyone has that moment where you realize how different your life would have been if you knew then what you know now, but thinking about it, wouldn’t your present be very different too? Changing your past changes your future and if you’re having that moment now…you’re probably in a pretty good place.

I don’t know, I wish I could say that I’d change it if I could, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Because all that shit, all that heartbreak and pain, those lessons made me the woman that I am today. An educated, professional, completely independent young woman. That’s something I’d been feeling strange about, but after a few wise words from some very wise friends, I realized that where I am is a good place. It’s a place that some people struggle to get to their whole lives and I’m here now. That feeling, that doubt I was feeling was just fear. Fear of something new and unknown, and you know what? Fear is nothing more that a state of mind. It has power because you give it power and you can take it back once you realize that’s all it is.

So, getting back on track, I want to wish everyone a wonderful holiday season this year. I hope you are surrounded with lots of joy, laughter and good times. I hope you remember the true meaning of this season and cherish the people that you love, cause if I’ve learned anything, it’s that people come and go-faster than you can imagine.

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Green is for bad?

You know what’s ironic? How green often associated with bad and evil.

Think about it, the Wicked Witch of the West is green, so is the Hulk when he turns into the Hulk and even the Grinch is green. The Riddler in Batman- wears a green suit and mask. Poison Ivy in Batman? Green signature color. The gremlins in the movie Gremlins? Green. 

But then, the grass is green. Green lights mean go. Money is green. Green means Eco-Friendly. 

So which is it? Are they telling us that money is the root of al evil? Or that green means good. 

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To age or not to age?

I’m having a bit of a difficult time lately with my aging and growth process. People always say that your teenage years are the hardest, and yeah mine were kind of crazy, but my twenties are definitely a hundred times more challenging. I mean yes, my teens were filled with mood swings, emotional ups and downs at the drop of a hat and obscene hormone levels, but even with all that I felt more alive than anything.

And now, I can’t really figure out where I am or where I should be. I’ll admit I had a minor meltdown right before I turned 25 a few months back, but I handled it…or so I thought. It was unfortunate that my meltdown happened at work and in front of co-workers, but luckily I was able to stop the tears pretty fast. Anyway, the past few weeks I’ve really been thinking about everything that’s happened in the past 2 years. Everything that has brought me to where I am today.

I have this amazing job that I love, a great apartment, I mean I practically live in paradise and I have an incredible family and loved ones…and still. There’s something missing. It’s weird because, for the first time in my life, I’m living totally on my own with no help from my parents or a boyfriend and I should be feeling great. I should be feeling like the strong, independent young woman that I’ve become. Instead, I feel a little out of place.

Your twenties are supposed to be the time that you have to try things out. To make mistakes and really find yourself, which I think is great, but by settling into this small town in a corporate job in the middle of my twenties am I giving in too quickly? Am I rushing to fit into this new role now just because I’m recovering from the breakup? Yes, the breakup is still a factor in my life. Some people, like my ex, move on quickly and forgot about you within a week, and some people are like me and take the time to heal. So yeah, it’s taking me a while to completely get over someone that was such a huge part of my life for about a decade. It is what it is so deal with it.

I just wish I could pause things where they are now, go off and have a million life experiences in a handful of countries and then come back and be all grown up and responsible. Why is the timing on this kind of shit always so off? On top of all this, the fact that I’ve been feeling like such an outsider is just making me miss home. It has me actually talking about moving back to Miami in “what if” terms, which is a little scary too.

What would you do if it were you? How did you live up your twenties?

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