People always say a Jack of all Trades is a Master of none, but why is that so bad? I mean is perfection really so important? I don’t think it is, to me its all the imperfections we have that make us who we are. They make each of us special in our own way.
When I was a kid, I had a different dream every few months or so. A new goal for my life. I wanted to be a Vet. I wanted to be on Broadway. I even wanted to be a Marine Biologist and live on some secluded island somewhere, studying the marine life. I think somewhere along the way to adulthood, we lose that childish habit. Somewhere along the way, we forget to dream big. We forget the point of all this…joy. If you’re not happy with what you do or where your life is, nothing else matters.
Happiness is the only reason to do anything. Now don’t get me wrong, making yourself happy and being selfish are very different things that vary from person to person. Some people find happiness in helping others. Other people spend their entire lives trying to figure out how to make themselves happy and that’s okay too. Each of us has a path to follow and sometimes it’s a road we need to take alone. Sometimes going it alone is the only point, even if we don’t get it right the first time. How to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart, that’s how you find out what kind of person you really are.
I’ve had to pick up the pieces in my life a few too many times. So who I am? I’m not so sure anymore. I used to be a fighter. A survivor. No matter how bad things got, I always rose above. I always sucked it up, wiped the tears from my eyes and kept going. Not that I’ve had it bad, I’ve just had to deal with a lot of loss in 23 short years. More than most people experience in their whole lives. But I never let anything beat me, I always believed that it all happened for a reason and that it was ultimately for the best. But somewhere in the midst of all my fighting, I lost my purpose. I lost why I was fighting and what I was fighting for exactly. I can’t really pin point when or why it happened or why I’ve suddenly noticed. I just woke up one day and saw everything in a different light and I realized that I don’t want to let me life pass me by.
I know that to the world, I’m still just another kid who hasn’t found her place yet. It’s just so weird to me that I had more conviction in me when I was 17 years old than I do now. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I mean, I get that things are always clearer when you’re looking back…nothing like the uncertainty of looking to the future. But I can’t help but wonder if I’ve been so jaded these past few years that I lost the girl I used to be. So soon? I figured the world would change me once I had to be an adult in it, but I kind of thought I had more time to figure that out.
Mmm. Maybe I need a sabbatical. Maybe he was right, a vision quest might be exactly what I need…