Why can’t I feel anything for anyone other than you?

Moving on and moving forward is a part of life. We make new beginnings each and every day. Some big, some small, some are quick and easy while others take time. Change is an unavoidable force of life that comes at you fast and without warning. Sometimes changes are obviously for the better, but most of the time, the urge to resist change is so automatic that we unknowingly complicate an otherwise simple situation. That, dear friends, tends to be the story of my life. Complicated in the simplest ways.

An example of a simple, yet necessary, change is the fact that we shouldn’t be friends. We’re both all too aware of the consequences of maintaining  a friendship and you know it’s not good. It really doesn’t benefit either of us in any way…but still. Knowing that doesn’t change the fact that I still pick up the phone because the truth of the matter is that I come alive with you. My heart flutters and a feeling of sheer intensity comes over me in a way that I’ve never experienced with anyone else. But hey, maybe 2011 will change that.

This time, as the new year rolled in, I decided not to make my usual 12 mundane resolutions. So I made just 1 resolution for 2011, to spend the next 365 days of my life being the most selfish person on the planet. Not your usual resolution, I know. That was the point. I’ve spent so much time agonizing over the choices I’ve made  in my short 24 years and not because of the outcomes, but because of how the people around me have reacted and felt as a result. Don’t get me wrong, some of my choices have been wrong and have ultimately hurt those that I love, but that wasn’t always the case.

So this year will consist of 365 days of Jenny. A full year of indulging in any and everything I have the slightest interest in. My motto this year is “why the hell not?”


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