For Love or Money?

When I was a child, I would dream of all the things I could be when I grew up I wanted to be a Veterinarian, but couldn’t watch animals die and well I didn’t like cleaning up after them either. I was going to a big time actress on Broadway, I always had a passion for the dramatic arts and loved being onstage. I’m not really sure why I didn’t stick to that, I had some trouble with my body image and lost my courage. I even wanted to be a Marine Biologist and live on a secluded island studying the marine life. That one still appeals to me actually.

Needless to say I changed my mind a lot. If it was up to me I would have a million different careers and love all of them. One day, in my high school English class, my teacher Mrs. Court asked me what I wanted to do after high school. I mean it was always a given that I would go to college, there was no doubt of that. But what would I study? If I had to choose one thing to do for the rest of my life…what would it be?

After thinking about it, the last thing I wanted was some day job I hated to be my future, I concluded that I loved to write. It was the only thing of my endless hobbies that I hadn’t out grown. I had never really thought that I would write for a living and actually make a career out of it. Mrs. Court told me that I could be a Journalist. How glamorous right? Me? A Journalist? My words? Published for the world to see?

She also recommended several colleges that were known for their journalism programs, but life got complicated and I stayed home and attended the local college. The thing was that from that day on, the day I decided to be a Journalist, there was never a doubt in my mind that it was the right choice for me. Don’t get me wrong, like any college student I considered other areas of study, but also as an addition to journalism. Never replacing it.

Until now. For the first time in 7 years I’m actually reconsidering my decision. I still love writing and continue use my words as my most effective form of communication. After all it is what I am, a writer. Words are my drug of choice. I have yet to find a better way to change my words than by writing. What I am thinking about it whether or not I want it as a career. I mean, I write because it makes me feel good, it allows me to clear my head and heart. It’s just that over the past year, I find myself struggling to write an article. I’m fine doing the research, preparing an interview and love attending the events and meeting the people.

The issue comes after. When I sit down at my computer and put it all together. It’s not that I can’t find the words…it seems I don’t want to. At first I thought maybe I was just having some writers block, there has been a lot going on in my life lately and I’m just dealing. But what if it’s not? Maybe it’s just the pressure…could it be a self esteem issue?

I’m just not so sure anymore….

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