January 10, 2012

Awkward is my specialty

So today was pretty interesting…

I recently took on a new role at work where I’m in charge of our company events and our first event is coming up fast. I’ve gone through the motions or transitioning into this new role, meeting people and trying to get them to actually take me seriously. Who knew people twice my age would have such a hard take me seriously.

Anyways, today was the first luncheon I took lead on for our upcoming event. This luncheon consisted of some pretty important people in my community including CEO’s and VP’s of major hospitals. So how did it go?

Well, for starters I had a few hiccups setting up for the luncheon, including getting shooed out of the room I was having it in 20 minutes before it was supposed to start. Then, we finally got set up and people started to arrive and well…eat.I take my place, set down my binder and water bottle and sit down. I get a little thirsty, so I reach for my water bottle and for some insane reason, I smack it down and knock over a cup of iced tea. Not just any cup, it’s one of the CEO’s iced tea and it spills all over the table, his pens, his glasses and of course his fancy keys. Awesome. I frantically clean it up as the room goes silent and get ready for our panel.

So I finally get up, ready to give my welcome speech and the words fail me. I can’t remember what I was going to say. Luckily, I had a print out of my speech, unfortunately as I stood tall and with my eyes glued down to my paper as I read…it was like a shy kid in grade school. I skipped sentences, spoke fast and made ZERO eye contact. But the show went on without anymore issues, at least not from me.

Not so bad for my first intro huh?

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January 3, 2012

Oh no, 2012 is a voting year

I have never voted for a president of the United States. Not for Bush. Not for Obama.

I don’t vote because I believe that the people that are in power, remain in power. You’re just voting for the face, the image of a campaign. Ultimately, the voting process is just an illusion, making the people believe that they actually have a choice. Kind of like having privacy, you think you have it, but you don’t. Every move you make is clocked. Everything you say, write, draw, photograph or even sing is clocked. A constant record of your life, at the fingertips of people that may someday label you just another casualty of war. Even Facebook, Twitter and other social media avenues work against you. I mean seriously people, could we possibly make it any easier? Why are we so quick to share our thoughts, fears and locations but still show hate to those that differ from us?

I don’t generally talk about politics, but today…it’s just on my mind. My Great-Grandfather was a General in World War II, my Grandfather fought in Vietnam and still…with all these wars…what have we really accomplished? What did we really win? Freedom?

Anyways, I didn’t vote before (although I did like Obama) and I’m not going to vote now either.

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December 23, 2011

Home for the Holidays…

There’s just something about this time of year that makes me sooo happy. When I was younger, it was the excitement of presents on Christmas morning and you know what? It still is. The difference is that now, instead of being excited about what I’m getting, I’m excited about what I’m giving. That “omg how did you know!?” look on someones faces as they open up your gift is my absolute favorite part of the holidays.

This holiday season is extra special because I’m spending it with the people I love the most in the world. The last few years have been a little crazy in my life and I’m not always where I want to me, but lately I’ve made it a point to take control of my time and my situation. Maybe this is something that comes with adulthood or maybe it’s just something that comes with experience.

So this year, I get to spend 10 full days in my home town with the people that I love-my family and close close friends. Maybe I’ll mend some bridges and let it all go. No more drama, time to start the new year with some peace of mind and a clean slate.

Either way, I am beyond words excited about this holiday season. So yay and Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

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December 8, 2011

No me acostumbro, No sé vivir sin ti

Aunque pasen los anos, y cree me tu que siguen pasando, todavía te siento en mi corazón. Todavía te extraño por las noches. Todavía eres el demonio de mis sueños que no me deja dormir.

Ay Rey Ruiz, como me conoces…

Mirando cosas viejas, hallé un poema
en una servilleta, casi borrado
eran sólo una líneas, era mi letra
estaba dedicado, a la mujer que amoLos versos eran tristes y mal logrados
pero eran un reflejo de aquellos años
los años mas terribles que me han pasado
y mientras los leía me ahogaba en llanto

No me acostumbro no, no me acostumbro
todavía al acostarme la recuerdo
y al despertar amor, tiemblo de miedo
al descubrir que sólo estaba en mi sueño

No me acostumbro no, no me acostumbro
hice mil cosas para comenzar de nuevo
dejé de frecuentar amigos en común
pero me siento que estoy preso en aquel tiempo

Mirando cosas viejas, hallé una foto
en ella se veía, besando mis ojos
quisiera ahora cerrarlos y sentir lo mismo
después de tanto tiempo, hoy pido poco

No me acostumbro no, no me acostumbro
todavía al acostarme la recuerdo
y al despertar amor, tiemblo de miedo
al descubrir que sólo estaba en mis sueños

No me acostumbro no, no me acostumbro
hice mil cosas para comenzar de nuevo
dejé de frecuentar amigos en común
pero me siento que estoy preso en aquel tiempo

No me acostumbro, no se vivir sin ti
como un loco hice mil cosas
para comenzar de nuevo
probé mil rutas todas dan a tí
No me acostumbro, no se vivir sin ti
no no no, no se olvidar
tu recuerdo en mi memoria
y como yo lo quiero yo lo dejo ahí
No me acostumbro, no se vivir sin ti
y te repito que no puedo acostumbrarme
que no daría en la mañana despertarme
y que estuvieras conmigo aquí

No puedo, no puedo
No sé vivir sin ti
es que cuando el amor
se siente así tan dentro
se le convierte en un infierno al corazón
No me acostumbro, no se vivir sin ti
esta soledad me está acabando, me está matando
y en el silencio extraño tu voz
No me acostumbro, no se vivir sin ti
no soy libre porque me siento que estoy preso
en aquel tiempo

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November 25, 2011

Feeling that good ‘ol holiday spirit

Maybe there’s something in the air, maybe it’s just a blend of good times or maybe it’s the result of extreme moments of intoxication. Whatever the reason behind it, I’m oh so jolly for the holidays this year. Don’t get me wrong, this is always my favorite time of year, but there’s just something different about this year. I can’t remember the last time I felt this…well…happy. Is that sad? Has it been that long since I’ve had a holiday this nice and drama free? Damn. Maybe it has.

Either way, I am beyond words grateful for all the amazing people that I have in my life right now. I’ve been changing a lot these past few years and would be where I am today without them. It’s crazy, because where I am, is something I fought for so long. Something I was sure I did not want and now, looking back, I was just scared. Scared of really branching out and testing out these wings. I held onto something much longer than I should have just because it was easier than letting it go. But I can’t say those years were wasted because I still accomplished a lot of cool things during that time, but it’s like they say “it’s always clear when you’re looking towards the past.” I think everyone has that moment where you realize how different your life would have been if you knew then what you know now, but thinking about it, wouldn’t your present be very different too? Changing your past changes your future and if you’re having that moment now…you’re probably in a pretty good place.

I don’t know, I wish I could say that I’d change it if I could, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Because all that shit, all that heartbreak and pain, those lessons made me the woman that I am today. An educated, professional, completely independent young woman. That’s something I’d been feeling strange about, but after a few wise words from some very wise friends, I realized that where I am is a good place. It’s a place that some people struggle to get to their whole lives and I’m here now. That feeling, that doubt I was feeling was just fear. Fear of something new and unknown, and you know what? Fear is nothing more that a state of mind. It has power because you give it power and you can take it back once you realize that’s all it is.

So, getting back on track, I want to wish everyone a wonderful holiday season this year. I hope you are surrounded with lots of joy, laughter and good times. I hope you remember the true meaning of this season and cherish the people that you love, cause if I’ve learned anything, it’s that people come and go-faster than you can imagine.

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November 24, 2011

Green is for bad?

You know what’s ironic? How green often associated with bad and evil.

Think about it, the Wicked Witch of the West is green, so is the Hulk when he turns into the Hulk and even the Grinch is green. The Riddler in Batman- wears a green suit and mask. Poison Ivy in Batman? Green signature color. The gremlins in the movie Gremlins? Green. 

But then, the grass is green. Green lights mean go. Money is green. Green means Eco-Friendly. 

So which is it? Are they telling us that money is the root of al evil? Or that green means good. 

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November 20, 2011

To age or not to age?

I’m having a bit of a difficult time lately with my aging and growth process. People always say that your teenage years are the hardest, and yeah mine were kind of crazy, but my twenties are definitely a hundred times more challenging. I mean yes, my teens were filled with mood swings, emotional ups and downs at the drop of a hat and obscene hormone levels, but even with all that I felt more alive than anything.

And now, I can’t really figure out where I am or where I should be. I’ll admit I had a minor meltdown right before I turned 25 a few months back, but I handled it…or so I thought. It was unfortunate that my meltdown happened at work and in front of co-workers, but luckily I was able to stop the tears pretty fast. Anyway, the past few weeks I’ve really been thinking about everything that’s happened in the past 2 years. Everything that has brought me to where I am today.

I have this amazing job that I love, a great apartment, I mean I practically live in paradise and I have an incredible family and loved ones…and still. There’s something missing. It’s weird because, for the first time in my life, I’m living totally on my own with no help from my parents or a boyfriend and I should be feeling great. I should be feeling like the strong, independent young woman that I’ve become. Instead, I feel a little out of place.

Your twenties are supposed to be the time that you have to try things out. To make mistakes and really find yourself, which I think is great, but by settling into this small town in a corporate job in the middle of my twenties am I giving in too quickly? Am I rushing to fit into this new role now just because I’m recovering from the breakup? Yes, the breakup is still a factor in my life. Some people, like my ex, move on quickly and forgot about you within a week, and some people are like me and take the time to heal. So yeah, it’s taking me a while to completely get over someone that was such a huge part of my life for about a decade. It is what it is so deal with it.

I just wish I could pause things where they are now, go off and have a million life experiences in a handful of countries and then come back and be all grown up and responsible. Why is the timing on this kind of shit always so off? On top of all this, the fact that I’ve been feeling like such an outsider is just making me miss home. It has me actually talking about moving back to Miami in “what if” terms, which is a little scary too.

What would you do if it were you? How did you live up your twenties?

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